Hey, You!

Put the cell phone on vibrate and check your messages later. I heard it ring and politely held my load, but when you answered and started babbling about your weekend plans, I had to question the etiquette of your call vs. my irritable-bowel syndrome. You kept talking and talking, and eventually human will gave way to biological necessity. As you discussed your weekend plans, I dropped my friends off at the pool in a cloud of noxious gas. Only then did you realize that bathrooms aren't the best place to chat on the cell and abruptly ended your call. Lesson learned, crap talker.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701-7417, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.