So many variables go into any one Coachella experience, that to make generalizations about the festival is foolhardy. (Survivor with a cooler soundtrack and more competitors? Pah.) But this fool is concluding that I will never again attend Coachella . . . unless Boredoms get booked . . . or My Bloody Valentine's Loveless lineup regroups . . . or Scarlett Johansson asks me to be her plus one . . . or . . .