By On the occasion of our 20th anniversary
By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
"Yo, everybody gonna get sick someday/But nobody knows how they gonna pay/Health care, managed care, HMOs/Ain't gonna work, no sir, not those/'Cause the thing that's the same in every one of these/Is these motherfuckers there, the insurance companies! You can call it single-payer or Canadian way/Only socialized medicine will ever save the day! Come on now, lemme hear that dirty word: SOCIALISM!"
Yes, it'd be much less annoying if it wasn't in rap form, but then you'd never get the beautiful sight of Halle Berry cradling a mortally wounded Senator Bulworth, and cooing at him, "Yes, baby. You are my nigger."
Like my friend, Warren Beatty hasn't become governor either.
If power is sexy, like my former friend, why isn't Mike Schroeder? The LA Times' sad dribble of an exposť in Sunday's paper had all of us on tenterhooks—and my, they chafed!—wondering what the Times' Christine Hanley had found out. Surely there would be something hinky in the life of fixer Mike and his war bride, Susan Kang Schroeder,38. Instead, the Times—after saying it wouldn't bow to the Schroeders by taking Hanley off the case (Mike and Susan claim she's biased) promptly took Hanley off the case. The story ran instead under the byline of CatherineSaillant, a reporter from the paper's Ventura edition—and it read like it was researched from that same 100-mile stretch. If there was anything in there you wouldn't already know from reading OCBlog, I must have skimmed past it. Mike likes wine and leaves his business card with defeated opponents? News as old as Susan Kang Schroeder, 38. You know what might have surprised people? That Mike has been on record as against the Iraq war from the beginning. That's something. Or that Susan, 38, is 38. "I think I look 28," Susan said when I called her. "It really hurt to see my real age in there like that." How old do you tell people you are? I asked her. "I tell them the truth," she said, so of course I didn't believe her. "It just hurt to see it like that in print."
Poor, pretty baby. (38.)