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APOCALYPTO
See "Mel Gibson is Responsible for All the Wars in the World" (Countywide)
BLOOD DIAMOND
See "Say It With Diamonds?" (Countywide)
GUADALUPE
Trying to emulate the frenzy that the Mona Lisa brought to religious-conspiracy yarns, Guadalupe aims to cash in on the mystique of the Western Hemisphere's most famous female portrait: Our Lady of Guadalupe. The film's marketing campaign suggests an action thriller along the lines of The Da Vinci Code, but Santiago Parra's debut feature is actually a bland domestic drama—one that somehow manages an even more sluggish pace than Ron Howard's bloated blockbuster (a feat considerably more miraculous than the film's depiction of divine incarnation). Instead of racing across Europe, Guadalupe's characters amble around Mexico City, searching for meaning in their yuppie lives while helping a friend to write a "script" about the mysteries of the Guadalupe shroud. Guadalupe screenwriter Roberto Girault's own script is clearly a rebuttal of sorts to Dan Brown's narrative (which was skeptical of religion and denounced by the Vatican), as it shamelessly peddles the healing power of the Guadalupe myth and Catholicism. Intercut with the pretentious present-day scenes are cornball flashbacks to the 16th century, where the Virgin Mary's appearance in the New World is rendered in Sunday-school fashion, complete with multiple scenes of wizened old men gazing at hokey digital effects while mouthing the words "Madre de Dios!" (James C. Taylor) (Countywide)
THE HOLIDAY
See "Woman's Glib" (Countywide)
10 ITEMS OR LESS
See "Less is Less" (Art Theatre, Long Beach)
UNACCOMPANIED MINORS
Freaks and Geeks creator Paul Feig certainly knows how to cast talented young actors, but in this instance, he doesn't seem to have any idea what to do with them. So while Tyler James Williams (Everybody Hates Chris), Dyllan Christopher (Seabiscuit), Brett Kelly (Bad Santa), Gina Mantegna (daughter of Joe) and Quinn Shephard are all appealing, the series of forced slapstick scenarios they endure are not. (Memo to Feig: "That's gotta hurt!" doesn't cut it as a punch line.) Stranded at an airport on Christmas Eve, the five minors amuse themselves by running around, stealing things and pissing off security officer Lewis Black (surely no great feat, that). Anyone who has ever actually been stuck in an air terminal with rowdy youngsters will not likely choose to pay money to revisit that experience onscreen. (Luke Y. Thompson) (Countywide)
previews
ERAGON
11:59 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 14. (Countywide)
WE ARE MARSHALL
7 p.m. Wed. (AMC Fullerton)
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