By On the occasion of our 20th anniversary
By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
I tried to continue our relationship by writing and calling as frequently as I possibly could. I tried to bring you out for New Years to go to the Rose Bowl. Instead you went skiing. I tried to bring you out during the coming summer. Instead you and your parents said you were "too busy." And, just this week, I tried to bring you out for any weekend or holiday you wanted to come out during this winter/spring. Instead your dad said you were not going to be able to see me. He said you were too busy. I think by now I get the point. I sent you a $500 airline ticket for Christmas that I told you was my gift to you. I even sent you and your family TWO Christmas cards. I did not receive a card from either you or your family. You called on Christmas because I asked you to, not because you wanted to. In fact, you have never contacted me since I left unless I have first asked you to. I get the point.
[. . .]
I do not believe that you have any desire to remain in contact with me, given the fact that it is very clear you (and those who have influences over you) dislike me. I am writing to tell you that I do not expect you to contact me anymore. I could tell by the tone of your voice and your response of simply "no" when I asked you if you wanted to say anything to me when I most recently called you that you did not want to talk to me.
[. . .]
This is a difficult letter for me to write. You know that I love you very much. You were the little brother that I never really had. [Note: Nielsen has two younger brothers.] You hold a most important place in my heart, and the memories that I have of you and our time together I will keep near to me for the rest of my life. On the 8th grade picture you gave me of yourself last year, you wrote on the back, "Jeff, I'll always love you, no matter how far away you are. Just think of me and I'll be there. Love, Billy." I will look to that when I think of you.
[. . .]
I will not give you any parting advice because you are probably sick of hearing me tell you what to do. If I am wrong in assuming that you desire our relationship to end, please correct me.
[. . .]
I assume you know USC won the Rose Bowl. Being there was incredible, and I wish you could have joined me. The celebration after the game in the stands was something to remember, and I was down in front with all of the players and the band. I know what I just said about the Rose Bowl does not fit into this letter, but I wanted to share it with you anyway.
[. . .]
If I do not hear from you, Billy, goodbye, little guy. I love you lots. I'll miss you.
PS: I did not send news stories and the pictures in the paper about the Rose Bowl because I did not think you not only did not want to talk to me, but that you certainly did not want me sending you anything like that. I have still saved them for you, though, if you want them.