Boy Crazy

The sad chronicles of a man who wants a boy to love him

[. . .]

How was homecoming for you? Did you have fun at dinner? Was it free? How was the dance? What kind of music did they play? I'm just full of questions, aren't I? Well, Big Guy, I can't think of much else to say for now.

[. . .]

Nielsen to boy: "I did not want it to be the end. But I cannot control you." Photo by Jack Gould
Nielsen to boy: "I did not want it to be the end. But I cannot control you." Photo by Jack Gould

Anyway, I hope you had a great Halloween. I'll be at work that night. I'll miss not being with you to make Jack-o-Lanterns, carmel apples and hot apple cider. Have a great day, night, whenever you get this.

[. . .]

Please write me when you get this letter. I'll talk to you when I call this Thursday, Nov. 2. DON'T FORGET. Talk to your folks about a date to visit for summer so you and I can finalize it on Thursday night. I love you lots. Miss you.

Love,

Jeff

11/15

Dear Billy,

It is 10:30 p.m. Wednesday night here. I have not heard from you in some time now. I watched the final show of the London Real World tonight on TV and the people on the show talked about not forgetting each other and not saying goodbye to friends, even though they were headed in different directions. I watched as they said goodbye for now to each other, and I felt bad for not leaving Washington with the same good feelings they all left London with.

[. . .]

I can only guess now that you no longer want anything to do with me. I can only hope that you actually get this letter. You were a big part of my life, Billy; and I was a BIG PART of yours, too. If you feel it is time to end contact between us, I don't want to say goodbye without truly saying goodbye. If you wish to no longer communicate with me, then write me or call. I would like to talk on the phone with you. But I am afraid that someone who doesn't want me to talk to you will always answer, so I haven't called. So, if you think it is time to end our friendship, please let me know. You can call collect if you need to.

[. . .]

Also, I will be sending you your ticket to Calif. immediately after Thanksgiving unless you feel it is time to end our friendship. Your flight is on United, leaving Dulles on June 22 and returning on July 10. It is my Christmas gift to you.

Love,

Jeff

12/20

Dear Billy,

I cannot think of any person I know who I have grown apart from faster than you. I have tried to keep in touch, but it hurts to try and fail to hear back from you. It hurts to know that I don't know anything about you anymore. It hurts to know that you feel negatively towards me. I knew this would happen when I came out here. But I can't help it if your family looks for every excuse they can find to hate me.

[. . .]

I want you to know that I'm doing ok. I'm working in the office of Scott Baugh. He's an assemblyman for California's legislature.

[. . .]

I wish that I wouldn't have to be writing you this card and saying what I am; I wish that we could just get along. I also wish we could see each other again soon.

[. . .]

If you would like to give me a wish on Christmas, please call me on Christmas. It would mean a lot to me.

[. . .]

I miss you a lot, especially at Christmas. I'll be thinking about you. Merry X-mas. Happy New Year.

Love,

Jeff

12/27

Dear Billy,

I forgot to tell you when you called on Christmas that my picture was on the front page of the L.A. Times on Dec. 23. As you can see, I've enclosed the paper for you. So, how do I look? Pretty mean, huh? The story about the picture is titled, "Search of Baugh Home Protested." And it is right below the picture. Scott is the new assemblyman; he's my boss now. The DA thinks Scott did some stuff wrong in his campaign, but I know he didn't. The DA is just after Scott and the more popular Republicans who supported him (like Rohrabacher) because he is trying to cover his own butt because of his responsibility in the OC bankruptcy, and Rohrabacher and other elected Republicans are upset about the abuses that county officials were involved in which led to the bankruptcy.

[. . .]

Speaking of pictures, please send me one of you that you took this year at school.

[. . .]

Jordan told me that you were cut from the basketball team. Don't worry. Look to the next hurdle and jump it with all you've got. Success is not making the team, it is enduring whatever circumstances you find yourself in.

[. . .]

Write me. I love you lots, little guy (you're still smaller than me).

Love,

Jeff

1/5/96

Dear Billy,

On Friday, Sept. 1., at 8:50 a.m. in the usual place (a high school parking lot) to say goodbye, you and I said our farewells. I don't know what you thought at the time, but I knew for some reason that I would not see you again. Rather than being the end of a chapter in our relationship, I knew for some reason that when we said goodbye that morning, it was the end of our relationship. As it looks, I was right in my guess. I did not want it to be the end, but I cannot control you.

« Previous Page
 |
 
1
 
2
 
3
 
4
 
5
 
All
 
Next Page »
 
My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
 
Anaheim Concert Tickets

Around The Web

Loading...