By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
By Charles Lam
* * *
And that brings us, as it should, to the election.
Perhaps you've heard a little something about it?
Due to the vagaries of weekly newspaper publishing and the space/time continuum, the election is happening as I type this, and Commie Mom is terribly worried about the voting machines. "Don't worry about the voting machines!" I told her. "Of course they'll try to steal it, but they just won't be able to due to the lopsidedness of the Democratic vote!"
Of course, I said the same thing about Ohio in 2004. Sure, they might try to stuff a thousand votes for Bush into a precinct of only 300 people, but it's not like anyone will let them get away with it!
Still, I remain optimistic! Irrationally exuberant, even! In fact, I don't think the Democrats will pick up the six seats they need to control the Senate; I think the Democrats will pick up 33! Are there even 33 Senate seats up for election this year? I don't think so, and I don't care! And the House? Mama calls a 50-seat gain. Sure, it's a lot more than the 20 to 35 that the pundits say are in contention, but think of it this way: it's only 17 more than the pickup in the Senate!
This evening I shall be with my people at the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers in Orange; I shall be toasting to George Allen biting it, and Rick Santorum, and Mike DeWine (uncle of our good buddy Skeith; did you know?), and apparently 30 others yet to be determined.
The kid will be at home, with a (really fun) babysitter. He would probably have traded the weekend of football for an election night party, but our carrots and sticks extend only so far when Mama's got celebrating to do.