Hey, You!

Illustration by Bob Aul

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More About

• Relationships
• Dating

You're the gay, Asian, child-molesting, SUV-driving son of a bitch. You're the predator who has been stalking me now for the past year. You know who you are. You in your silver Toyota, always asking me for directions on how to get to the most random of places, and then asking me the worst of all pickup lines: "Hey, is it true that Mexicans have big dicks?" Well, guess what? It is true! But never in your pathetic life span are you ever gonna get me to take a drive with you, with that pickup line, let alone any pickup line! I wrote down your license plate number, just so you know. A sexual molesting charge will be added onto your shit-record so you can stop fucking with me and all the other hot Mexican guys such as myself . . . 'cause I sure as fuck know that I'm not the only one you've been trying to pick up . . . I know that for a fact. I see you again and I will personally give you what you deserve, an ass-whooping!

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701-7417, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.