Commie Girl

2. Susan and I don't like fatties but we do like to bitch about how fat we are, so I helpfully started calling her 72. "You know, like a linebacker!" I murmured sweetly. Susan, impressively, knew that linebackers' numbers are in the 50s, not the 70s, which I have to admit was a cool factoid for her to lay down. Back at the office, Dave Wielenga confirmed Susan's info but added that 72 was Refrigerator Perry's number, so that works for me. At the same time, I couldn't figure out why 72 was calling me "Tina." "Talking Tina?" I wondered. Nope. Ike and Tina. "You didn't know I called you that?" 72 asked me, gasping and choking on her own snide cackles. "I've been calling you that behind your back for ever! Because you're like an abused wife!" We don't need another hero, Fridge. We just need to know the way home!

3. You probably don't want to hear about the boyfriend who was mildly saddened to learn I'd sat in the nude before I'd met him, but it was the ultimate genesis of Ike and Tina, and it usually gets pried out of me with enough free vodka, or by anyone who asks.