Remote Hog

The Sopranos
HBO
9 tonight

I was just reading in USA Today or some similar rag sheet that the premiere pay-cable network's powerhouse is languishing in the ratings, that taking two years off proved just too much for viewers, that more people talk about the show than actually watch it. Well, the critic apparently has the numbers to back up such smack. But, jeesus, was anyone in America NOT watching when that fat bastard Vito said, "I love you, Johnnycakes"? As you just knew he would, Jon Stewart jumped all over that line in the very next Daily Show, and I swear I've heard someone build a joke around it on the radio or late-night TV every day since. Meanwhile, who won American Idol again? Was it AJ? Chris? I forget. All I know is when this season began, with Tony in hell or limbo or Costa Mesa or all three, everyone was talking about The Sopranos again. Now, many were talking about how much the show was sucking, but they were talking—and, obviously, watching. Then, as the whole Johnnycakes thing was playing out and mob bosses were turning and mob henchmen were getting killed or maimed faster than infantrymen in Fallujah, I heard it said that this was the best Sopranos season ever. Oh, how fickle we fans are, watching and not watching and hating it and loving it all at once. Tonight's final new Sopranos of 2006 has Tony getting Carmela's project going again, AJ finding out work's got its perks and Phil moving closer to the inevitable battle royale with Tony—a battle royale that'll surely play itself out when the final eight Sopranosair in '07. You are invited to not tune in again then.