Letters

'And this one time . . . my balls itched. I washed them with Jim Beam and a paper towel.'

Letters may be edited for clarity and length. E-mail to letters@ocweekly.com, or send to Letters to the Editor, c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701. Or fax to (714) 550-5908.


IN WHICH WE'RE WISHED A NICE DAY, BUT IRONICALLY
Your rag and alleged journalists are certainly entitled to what I consider immoral, ultra-leftist opinions. Freedom of the press is, in fact, essential to a democracy. However, when a writer (Jim Washburn) has a column entitled, "Immigration? We've Got Bigger Problems" with a subtitle, "Why Our Noncitizens Are Our Best Citizens", I would hope that the article would contain concrete examples of these declarations. Unfortunately, the writer chose to ramble on various issues, never addressing his topic points, before offering an example of a missed opportunity to the solution of illegal immigration by stating, "Back in the 1980s, Jesse Jackson proposed helping Mexico and other neighbors to (sic) overcome corruption and cronyism to (sic) raise (sic) job prospects and standards of living so people wouldn't feel compelled to come here". Mr. Washburns reasoning, like his writing, is muddled. Hey Jim, why don't you and Jesse co-author a letter to President Fox? What a joke!!

Washburn's final paragraph starts, "Immigrant-rights organizers are next planning a May 1 "Day Without an Immigrant," (sic - comma should have been after the parenthetical close) in which they're asking that people not work or shop on that day". Great writing, Jim. I particularly enjoyed you're convoluted word structuring in this sentence. Finally, Washburn, assumingly toungue in cheek, illogically states that blackened calamari tostada is as American as apple pie. Not that clever, Jimbo.

I applaud celebrating a "Day Without an Immigrant". If illegal immigrants don't work, don't shop, don't drive without a license or insurance, don't commit any crimes, don't send their children to school, don't use any free governmental or health service benefits, etc. on that day, I would propose "A Year Without an Immigrant" so we can actually ascertain the true cost of illegal immigration.

Have a nice day,
David S. Gray
Via e-mail

The copy editor responds: Your letter, while dull, illustrates two important points: that you are frighteningly stupid, and that you really shouldn't mess with a copy editor. In American English, we keep our punctuation inside our quotation marks unless the punctuation in question would change the meaning of that which is being quoted—for instance, if I were to say, "It sure is amazing how far David S. Gray's 'toungue' is up his own ass," and then someone else asked another person if he had heard me say that thing about you and your "toungue," he would say it thusly: "Did you hear the copy editor say of David S. Gray, 'It sure is amazing how far David S. Gray's "toungue" is up his own ass'?" Am I confusing you now with all the switching back and forth between the apostrophes and the quotation marks—incidentally, what you do when there's a quote within a quote? I'm sorry. Sorry you're so pathetically dumb! By the way, you seem to have a bit of a problem with your possessives and you don't know your yours from your you'res. By the way also? You're a dick.

Don't mess with Texas, you pussy little bitch.

WE GROK
Robert A. Heinlein was, for crying out loud, a "right-wing kook"? [Paul Brennan's "Who Is 'Jubal'?" April 14.] If you had actually read the book referenced re Matt Cunningham's nom de Net, you would have grokked Heinlein's libertarian leanings. (There a difference, you know—true libertarians are against the Wars on Drugs and Terror and pro-civil liberties.) Heinlein did experience several serious medical problems in the 1970s: peritonitis (1970), a serious blockage of the carotid artery (mid-1970s) and a transient ischemic attack (TIA) in 1977, all of which addled his cognitive processes and caused some to speculate that he was losing his marbles. Fortunately, surgery and rest restored his cerebral faculties. That hardly makes him or anyone a "right-wing kook." Try "eminent/respected science-fiction writer."

And by the way, if you can't bring yourself to type the words "science fiction," perhaps you could just type "s-f" instead of that nauseating neologism which I will not dignify by mention here. Otherwise, nice skewering of Mr. Cunningham. Toadies like him need to be uncovered so that we see their true colors.
Andrew Williams
Via e-mail

The copy editor responds again: Paul Brennan totally groks science fiction. I know because I once read hundreds of pages of a ridiculously brilliant, OC-set science fiction novel in which, well, lots and lots of sciencey stuff happened, and it was very smart (and funny), and Paul Brennan done wrote it. Whether he groks libertarianism is a whole 'nother question entirely. And whether he truly groks Matt Cunningham/Jubal, well, dude's ineffable and unknowable—you know, like God. And also too? Thanks for knowing how to work those quotation marks inside quotation marks, unlike David S. Gray, who is an asshole.

NO GROK AT ALL
Regarding "Che Who?" [Commie Girl, April 7]: I took the kids a few years back to see "Barbie Dolls in History" at the Nixon Library. They were in costumes of different historical periods. And this one time when I had been on a weeklong fishing trip, long before kids, where there were no showers, my balls itched. I washed them with Jim Beam and a paper towel. They felt all warm for a little while and didn't itch the rest of the trip.
Greg the Fireman
Hermosa Beach

 
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