!Ask a Mexican!

Dear Mexican,
You California wetbacks are nothing but a bunch of wannabes.Aquí en Tejas, we have the Rio Grande, somojado is a good description. But west of El Paso, there's nothing to get a Mexican wet when he sneaks across the border except a little rain. And, as you keep pointing out, it never rains in Southern California. Soya no estén chingando—stop fucking around—and quit using the word wetback.
Wet and Wild

Dear Wab,
Bone up on your racism dictionary, Wet and Wild. Few people call Mexicans wetbacks anymore, or beaners, spics, greasers, Mescans, border bandits, border hoppers, Mexi-can'ts, cockroaches, jumping beans, chili chokers or any of the other derogatory terms gabachosused to smear Mexicans in the past. The fact that "wetback" survives at all is because of American foreign policy. According to a 2003 article by College of New Jersey journalism professor Kim Pearson, "wetback" didn't become nationally popular until 1954, when the Eisenhower administration launched a program to deport all illegal immigrants. But America being America, la migrarounded up Mexican-Americans, legal immigrants—anyone who was brown, really. The program's name? Operation Wetback. American experience is cyclical, of course, so expect Americans to soon begin calling Mexicans "Sensenbeaners."

Illustration by Mark Dancey

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• Rio Grande
• Kim Pearson
• El Paso
• The College of New Jersey
• Pornography

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Why isn't there any good-quality Mexican porn?
Horny Hungy

Dear Gabacho,
We don't need it. Granted, there are some Mexican porn classics, like 2000's Platillos Violadores (Flying Saucer Rapists), and Russ Meyer ultra-vixen Kitten Natividad is a Juarez native best known for hardcore features like Cum to Dinnerand Thanks for the Mammaries. But pornography's primary purpose is to titillate, to provide a simulacrum of the real thing, and Mexicans don't need aids to get off—look at all our babies! If you're in the mood for Latin lechery, though, I recommend Justin Slayer's Mami Culo Grande(Big-Assed Honey) series, in which the African-American porn star does his part to end simmering Mexican-black tensions by deep-dicking Mexican gals in all three inputs as they moan in English and español. And for the ladies: nothing cools down your hot, hot heat like twiddling to the little hombre in the hat on the Tapatío bottle.

Go to evilangel.com for your copy ofMami Culo Grande.

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at garellano@ocweekly.com. And those of you who do submit questions: include a hilarious pseudonym,por favor, or we'll make one up for you!