This Week in Nautical Rom-an-Tics

The now-tortured Tortured Hearts Boat Party Cruise

EDITOR'S NOTE—The following event "has been moved to an underground location" due to some misunderstandings with a local fire marshal that will have the boat physically removed from the water for up to two weeks. Those who have purchased the $15 tickets will receive a full refund. For directions to the party being held in the event's place, keep monitoring www.FistFull.net. The new location is 18+ to enter and 21+ to drink (duh!).


 

After much confusion involving saints, letters and blood, Valentine's Day has come to be known as a holiday loners loathe and lovers exploit. But in reality, the holiday stems from the attempted Christianization of the Roman Pagan holiday Lupercalia: many a goat were slaughtered in the name of fertility, while boys ran through the village with their hearts on their togas, wiping animal blood on all the young ladies. And then they threw their names into a giant urn, picking out their missus-to-be for the following year. Pagans were so pragmatic.

As a precursor to the sappy choco-rose day that leaves millions of romantics drunk-texting with a fervor fueled by two bottles of Charles Shaw and a half-eaten heart-shaped box of shitty sympathy chocolates, some understanding and musically inclined persons have decided to throw the Tortured Hearts Cruise Boat Party, an affair that could lead to lovelorn hipsters diving overboard in a fit of poetic remorse or unchecked jealousy—and if they don't get hurt, it's okay to laugh.

On a double-decker yacht, the San Francisco music collective Division 33 hopes "to break down stale genres and constrictive categories and explore fresh new musical territory that has yet to be discovered." Who needs a valentine when you've got DJs spinning stuff that hasn't even been invented yet? And Abstract Workshop Collective artists Scotty Coats and Cocoe will also be showing off the goods on the upper floor of the little-yacht-that-could-land-you-a-date. Get your mind blown cabin-fever-style and check your pity at the dock.

NEW LOCATION; SEE ABOVE, THE FOLLOWING IS WRONG: Tortured Hearts Cruise Boat Party, 100 Aquarium Way, dock 4, Long Beach, (310) 923-8808 or (714) 507-6606; www.fistfull.net. Sat. Board, 10 p.m.; boat departs, 11 p.m. $36; presale, $30. 21+.

 
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