Oxxnard

OXXNARD
ALEX'S BAR, LONG BEACH
FRIDAY, DEC. 16

The annual Oxxnard Christmas show materialized before the townspeople gathered at Alex's to drink away the stress of the season, and, lo, we got wasted. So let it be written: Oxxnard do metal tunes with bastardized Christmas lyrics, and thus not being drunk would have been a waste of their inspiration. Hailing from Seal Beach and Long Beach, Oxxnard haven't changed their set list since their first shows at Bogarts in the early '90s: you still get "Making the Toys," a twisted tale of elfin debauchery set to the galloping pace of Judas Priest's "Breaking the Law," and a righteous "The Little Drummer Boy," revved up by the rhythmic hammering of Ministry's "Thieves and Liars." After a few festive drinks, you're thinking, "Fucking classic metal with classic Christmas songs—this would make a killer beer commercial." But this foul coupling of heartwarming carols and devil music pissed off at least one lady. "Go back to Oxnard," she yelled after the pajama-clad bassist in the Dee Snyder wig threw his bass onto the floor, cracking the body in two. Maybe she wasn't down with blasphemy. Or maybe she didn't like that they chose "Enter Sandman" to retool as "Silent Night," when one of the songs from Metallica's longhaired days would have been so much more devious. Photocopies of the lyrics were passed out to turn the crowd into choir, and the band invited hecklers (and everybody, really) to rip pages from their "Him-i-na Him-i-na Hymnals" and throw them back at the band. There was so much flying white in the air it reminded us of a good clean snowball fight. And, lo, the Oxxnard of the metal appeared before them and a bright light shone all around them, and the Lord looked down from heaven and smote many with a crippling hangover. And it was good.