After a Harland Williams set, the audience crowds around and waits to meet him, sure that the connection they feel is mutual. (It isn't.) Williams is so breathtakingly funny that women want to bed him despite his chin and dudes want to share their drugs. It's hard to make dudes share their drugs. Not so hard about the womens. 8:30 p.m. $20. 21+. Irvine Improv, Irvine Spectrum, 71 Fortune Dr., Irvine, (949) 854-5455.
Norm MacDonald is funny too, all wry and deadpan and shit. 8:30 p.m. $25. Brea Improv, 120 S. Brea Blvd., Brea, (714) 482-0700.
I can hear you whining already, "I don't waaant to go to a dance for a house full of people with traumatic brain injuries!" How can I convince you how wrong you (as usual) are? There's nothing more fun and flat-out joyous than an Integrity House dance, and the Fall Fling is the bestest of them all. A band of motley LA Times types provides the music, linchpinned by our own pal Washburn. Guests are alternately leered at and adored. And let's face it, they could probably use some fresh meat. I'll be there, and you should too. 5-9 p.m. Note the new address: 2043 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 542-0855.
I was gonna send you to Jimmy Intveld at the Blue, but there's no excuse in 2005 for the club's website not to include ticket prices—and when you try to call, it's voice-mail hell, with a recorded announcement giving you day-by-day listings—for the week you don't want. The Blue Café must be punished.
Besides! You should be going to the Coach House anyway—if you don't mind not dancing, it doesn't get any better than the slide-guitar rulery of Junior Brown. With The Working Cowboy Band.8 p.m. $23.50. Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930.
Sorta sappy, but for those of us who are sappy and standing tall about it, Broadway Under the Stars should be loverly. A whole buncha people some people may have heard (though damn straight I haven't) come straight from the Great White Way for cocktails, a silent auction, dinner and a show to benefit the Camino Real Playhouse. But the important part? Under the stars, silly. The Franciscan Gardens, to be precise. 6 p.m. $75-$100. Franciscan Gardens, 31815 Camino Capistrano, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 489-8082.
You know what's wholesome? Lindy hopping. You know, even though it kinda wasn't at the time, borrowed as it was from the coloreds and all.I think there might be a movie about it. Not only can you lindy hop at Memories, but if you can't lindy hop at Memories, the good folks at Memories will teach you until you can for a measly $5. See what I meant about "wholesome"? Lessons 7-9 p.m. $5. Memories, 12901 Philadelphia St., Whittier, (562) 693-7074.
Head over to The Office to check out a photo installation by French artist Amandine Piomelli in the Project Room and photos by Carrie Yury dealing with plastic surgery and ideals of perfection in surgery-obsessed Southern California. How much do we love that shit??? 1-5 p.m. Free. The Office: An Art Space, 5122 Bolsa Ave., Ste. 110, Huntington Beach, (714) 767-5861; www.theofficeart.com.
Single? Got a yacht? Want to meet someone who does? Try Newport Single Sailors at their monthly meeting. Chippie. 7 p.m. Newport Beach Yacht Club, 1099 Bayside Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 499-3592.