Diary of a Mad County


Sunday, Oct. 23
There's only a week left to see Movieland Wax Museum, which recently announced it will be closing its doors and shipping its wax figures of show business's biggest stars north to San Francisco. Frankly, I'm shocked‚€"SHOCKED!‚€"that Movieland has had such a hard time making a go of it. What is it with people today? Are they all of a sudden not interested in staring at stagnant mannequins that look something like the famous people they are supposed to represent -- if that famous person had dead eyes and had been subjected to continuous spraying of their entire body with Aqua Net hair spray? Oh, and what stars! Billy Ray Cyrus, Vidal Sassoon, Zasu Pitts, Norma Shearer. These people are big -- Gabby Hayes big! But I guess this simple pleasure has had a hard time keeping up with new entertainment technologies -- color television, books -- still, you'd expect there'd always be a need for people to see, in person, the wax visage of Miss Stella Stevens in a scene from Hollywood blockbuster The Poseidon Adventure. And what about the opportunity of seeing chart-topping recording artist Little Richard in what museum literature describes as a "typical setting." (The mind swims when trying to imagine what would qualify as "typical" for L. Richard -- one assumes it involves peacock feathers. Perhaps Aqua Net hair spray. Perhaps a whole lot of it.)


Monday, Oct. 24
Heh heh heh. He said "merge."


Tuesday, Oct. 25,br> Now, I'm no engineer and I've never built anything worth mentioning and, Mrs. Lowery, we've asked you to come down to school today because Steven keeps talking into his sleeve during algebra class and it's really creeping everyone out, but I do know this: if I was in charge of widening the 22 freeway, I would make sure that when I was closing onramps I'd mark the detours to other onramps clearly, instead of slapping them on the odd telephone pole hidden behind a tree or putting that detour sign right on the street you're supposed to turn on to use the detour, thereby making it next to impossible to detour since you have had no time to prepare to detour. I say this because it just took me about an hour just to get on the 22 freeway, an hour of driving around and getting caught in snarls and not seeing detour signs until it was actually time to turn left and I was in the right-hand lane, all of this for the privilege of finally getting on the 22 so I could sit in traffic on the 22. It was kinda like waiting in line for the chance to get gonorrhea -- ah, I miss theseminary.

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