A Clockwork Orange

The Blog

But film titles and guest speakers are not revealed until the night of the screenings. The first class will be 6:30 to 9:30 p.m. Monday, Nov. 7, and continue every Monday at that time through Dec. 12 at Edwards University, 4245 Campus Dr., Irvine. General admission is $130 for the series, $30 per film. For UCI students, it's $48 for the series or $8 per film.

And, just like the fancy-schmancy film critics, you get a goodie bag!

Register here or call (949) 824-5414.


Posted Oct. 24, 5:45 p.m.

THE BEST ALT. JOURNALISM MONEY CAN BUY
Don't know if you read the news today, oh boy -- the New York Times, Associated Press, Reuters, Washington Post's Howard Kurtz and even NewKerala of India got it -- but New Yawk City-based Village Voice Media, which owns this here taco stand, has merged with Phoenix-based New Times to create an all-new alt. media juggernaut to be called . . .

Drum roll, please . . .

Village Voice Media!!!

Clockwork's guessing not changing the corp. name was a cost-cutting move as we won't have to redesign our business cards.

By the way, our flagship Village Voice also reports on the merger, and includes the memo we all found in our e-mail inboxes this morning.

Oh, and our pals at the Orange County Business Journal also referenced the sale on their website.

And that's ALL we know. In a stunning affirmation that Clockwork cannot find news that's even right under its own nose rings, we don't know shit about the merger beyond what we just read. In fact, it was a bit embarrassing having to read about the impending merger weeks ago (scroll down to "Are We the New Kids on the Block?"), in a Bay Area paper that competes against a New Times pub up there, that forecast the death of alt.-journalism as a result of this merger and many, many, many more words that are even more who-gives-a-shittish than that.

Funny story: our higher ups, um, shatted all over that San Francisco Bay Guardian coverage, but when you peel away the bullshit (the forecast the death of alt. journalism as a result of this merger and many, many, many more words that are even more who-gives-a-shittish than that), the Guardian actually nailed the story. Unfortunately, the facts they exposed got lost in the box of bombast those stories were delivered in.

Of course, without the bombast, you all never would have known that it was the Village Voice-New Times brass who killed Cal Coolidge.

But who cares about that now? It's over baby. Our greatest fears when we previously drooled onto our keyboard about the possible merger were whether the New Times folks, who have a reputation for neoconnism, will be able to live in peace with the Voice folks, who have a reputation for commie pinko faggism. And, seeing as how the New Times folks will control the majority of the corp.'s new board, and seeing has how OC Weekly staffers are card-carrying commie pinko fags, was does this portend for -- gulp -- lil ol' us?

No worries, say the Cal Coolidge killers in everything that's trickled down on us like so much piss and Reaganomics. As long as we keep making money, they'll leave us alone.

Allegedly.

Why?

'Cause fuckin' capitalist pigs rock, that's why!

So, please, if you want to see the Weekly continue in its current demented form, support our advertisers, hire an escort in the back of the book and go to the plastic surgeon's office on page 3 and get that shot of Botox on your ass. Vote soon and vote often -- with your pocketbooks -- or, uh, the terrorists will win?

And remember: the job you save may be our own.


MR. ROONEY GOES TO UCI
Andy Rooney said something really funny on 60 Minutes last night. Since Clockwork never in a trillion years figured we'd bang those words out in that particular order, let us do that again รข€" this time with emphasis:

ANDY ROONEY SAID SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY ON60 MINUTES LAST NIGHT!!!

Having obviously not come up with anything better to get all cranky about, Rooney began harping on websites that apparently misquote him, then he responded to viewer mail. He must've figured his buddy Letterman kills 10 minutes a week doing the same thing, so why not? After mentioning and showing a letter from a couple somewhere in Viewerland praising him for a recent segment on wasteful military spending, Rooney said his producers had also received a letter criticizing that report from Roger Crumley, "a professor of head surgery at UC Irvine." Rooney read this portion of Crumley's letter as it flashed on the screen:

"OK, Morley has not only passed his prime, he's left the mainstream of life. Tonight Morley characterized himself as a typical leftwing newsmonger. Please save and preclude us Morley any more of your presence on the air."

"I don't mind being confused with Morley Safer," Rooney deadpanned into the camera, his outta control eyebrows somehow frozen in time, "but if he's an expert on heads, it should be easy for him to get his own examined."

Okay, so maybe . . .

ANDY ROONEY SAID SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY ON60 MINUTES LAST NIGHT!!!

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