a Clockwork Orange

Bay Area transportation officials are considering changing carpool lanes to toll roads ala those limo lanes running parallel the 91 freeway from Anaheim Hillish to the Riverside County line. Critics charge the lanes benefit richfucks, but Orange County is being used as an example to sell the plan because the 91 lanes have "support from drivers across all income levels," according to one published report. Two things: 1) That's stretchier than a stretch limo to stretch the truth about who supports those lanes. They are NOT supported by drivers who are not in those lanes while stuck in the most horrendous traffic of their life, as Clockwork has been many, many times. And, b) If you've ever driven to where the limo lanes end in Riverside County, you suddenly realize it is those limo lanes that are causing much of the backed-up traffic, because no on adequately planned how to seamlessly change over from lanes for the few who paid to open-to-all lanes.

Posted Sept. 23, 4:12 p.m.

Raghu Nicholson, only in Dissent
Next to Clockwork's daily goosestepping walkies with since-ousted trustee Steven J. Frogue, the thing we miss most about the South Orange County Community College District are those wascally wabble-wousers and, in particular, their stinging little zine Dissent. Well, faster than you can say "Download THIS, Himmler," Dissent is back, in handy blog form. Contributors Rebel Girl, Chunk Wheeler and Red Emma are back -- and this time they want BLOOD! Or, at least, an academic employer they can be proud to toil for.

Currently up on the site are a hilarious lampoon ... Oops, it's not a lampoon; it's REAL ... to a 60-second KROQ spot (scroll down) that features an announcer explaining to a Keanu-sounding surfer dude the virtues of a college education at you-know-where (SOCCCD, which includes Saddleback and Irvine Valley colleges, now markets itself as "The O.C. College," which should have some panties in a bunch over at The OCC known as Orange Coast College, no?). But we dissent, er, digress: Just for checking out the South County schools, the ad informs, you can win an iPod! And a pony! And a baby's arm holding an apple. Or somesuch.


Dissent's also got the latest, always entertaining/depressing exploits of Mr. Goo (aka Raghu P. Mathur, the district's grand poop-bah) and Chunk's usual assortment of heeeee-larious fun with Photoshop. Check the site now and often. We've promised to keep a link up to it. Remind us if we forget.

Speaking of The O.C., Melinda Clarke is getting around as much as and low-class, high-society, Newport ho bag she plays on Fox's teen soaper. We told you previously about her joining up with Advanced Medical Optics (scroll down to DRESS FOR SUCCESS, NOT THE 909), the maker of Complete MoisturePLUS multi-purpose contact lens solution. Clarke/Cooper is lending her pretty face to a nationwide poll for America's Most Beautiful Eyes, with the grand prize winner getting a trip to ORANGE COUNTY, CALIFORNIA! (which we understand is simply breathtaking). Now Julie Cooper's gonna be in the real OC ho-self! She's scheduled to be at Hoag Hospital at 10 a.m. Saturday to help open the new Sue and Bill Gross Women's Pavilion, billed as Orange County's first and only breast-care center to offer direct-to-digital mammography. Mammomammtacular!

First it was Herr Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger pushing for 1 million new solar roofs in Calley-foreigner (only to have his plans thwarted by those girlie men Democrats). Now the state's second most prominent movie star Republican, Clint Eastwood, is pushing a posh resort in Carmel that'll feature solar-heating, windmills and tough land-use restrictions. The 2,000-home project is called Tehama, which elicits chuckles from Clockwork because we spent many blistering hot summer days in Rancho Tehama, which is on the outskirts of Tehama County, which joined Orange County in eventually going belly up. But it wasn't the case of malfeasance by career bureaucrats and elected officials consulting with Tarot card readers in a supposedly filthy rich municipality that cause Tehama to bite the financial big one. Tehama, at the time, and perhaps now, was the poorest of California's poor counties, and there just wasn't enough revenue coming in to keep up with escalating costs for basic services. Meanwhile, posh this place wasn't (and, we assume, ain't; we haven't been back since the first Bush administration). Think of Fontana, only MORE backward. (And we know, having lived in Fontana while vacationing in Tehama. Don't ask...) Tehama is a native American word for "abundance of nature," but only because that's the closest those most native of native Californians could come to "abundance of mobile homes occupied by fire-water drenched pale faces collecting government welfare while running illegal chicken husbandry businesses out of collapsing shacks between wells filled with dirty black water and rusted '63 Ford station wagons on cinder blocks."

So kudos to Dirty Harry for coming clean with his exclusive housing development, and for somehow making Tehama something to envy. Ironically, Clockwork now doesn't want to go to one Tehama and can't afford to go to the other.

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