A CLOCKWORK ORANGE

Spanky me ... HARDER! MCOKER@OCWEEKLY.COM

Posted Sept. 21, 6:42 p.m.

WEB OF SIGHS
So Gustavo just popped into the office a little while ago and said we've got to post something about the Orange County Register's hideous new website. So Clockwork plops it open and, yeah, it's lame--EXCEPT CHECK OUT THE RACK ON ERICA HILL!!! Yowzers! No wonder the OCSD top brass can't keep their filthy paws off her.

So, yeah, checked out the site awhile, clicked on a couple things, landed on a Randy Youngman sports column with some mildly amusing lines, then got bored. With OC already occupying part of our address box, we typed over "register" with "blog" to check out our pals at OC Blog. Now mammalian protuberances there, sadly, but they did lead off with an item about still-dead Mickey Conroy, the ex-assemblyman who put the ASS in ex-assemblyman. (We don't care what OC Blog says about that "patriot" shit; and when youse all characterize Clockwork as picking on you poor ol' Republicans, keep in mind that it must be with a dollop of self-loathing, considering we're Republican, too.)

Anyhoots, Conroy lying somewhere on a slab brought back rich memories of the Weekly's early days, and the fun we had recounting his legislation aimed at smacking schoolkids around, the groping allegations lodged against him by a former office aide, the debate with Todd Spitzer where "Spanky" lost it and flipped Todd-o off, much to the chagrin of horrified GOP bluehairs. That's the moment that probably launched Sptizer to greatness (okay, that made us chuckle, too), and Conroy to the dustbin of local political history.

So, yeah, we wanted to put together for you a Best of Mickey Conroy Hit Pieces over the years, which would have to be at least as mildly amusing as a Randy Youngman column. Typing in Conroy on our home page search box, we only came up with these three Spanky-centric stories:

An old Clockwork item: When then-Assemblyman Mickey Conroy wasn't trying to enact legislation that would allow juvenile offenders to get swatted, he was soliciting hugs, kisses and twosomes from female aides, according to court testimony last week.

Former aide Robyn Boyd spent nearly three hours in a Sacramento courtroom on April 16 recounting alleged sexual harassment that occurred days after she began working in Conroy's office in March 1993 and lasted for six weeks until, the 37-year-old claimed, she was fired for reporting the abuse.
Red the rest here.

There was this from UCI professor Mark Petracca's Man Bites Dogma column, excerpted in our fifth anniversary issue: If a good paddling makes a naughty child behave, imagine what a good public thwacking would do for a misbehaving pol. [Assemblyman Mickey] Conroy should redraft Assembly Bill 7--which targeted only juvenile graffiti vandals--to include corporal punishment for all elected and appointed government officials who otherwise never seem to incur more than a slap on the wrist--wrong part of the anatomy--for truly consequential misbehavior. Dickens claims that "the law is an ass" takes on intriguing new meaning.

And that's it. But we've written a ton more shit on him. So Clockwork accessed our double top super secret archive and, according to that technological gem, we is full of shit: we have never wrote one story containing the word "Conroy" before that Petracca excerpt, which would mean the thing we excerpted the excerpt from never existed.

So, yeah, Gustavo, far be it from us to rag on anyone else's website.


Posted Sept. 20, 3 p.m.

GOP EATS ITS OWN
We weren't there, seeing as how we had a back-hair waxing appointment to keep, but this past weekend's state Republican convention apparently welcomed warmly the congressional candidacy of someone who is not registered with their party. That's what happened if we are to believe immigration-reforming Minuteman Jim Gilchrist's website (and we have no reason not to believe a political candidate's website would impartially relate the reception their candidate received, especially in light of the fact we could find no reports elsewhere substantiating that claim. But believing him makes this item click better, so we're going with it...).

Jim was embraced enthusiastically by hundreds of Republican and conservative activists throughout the Convention events, commended repeatedly by those participating there for his patriotism and dedication to America for founding the Minuteman border watch movement, and encouraged greatly in his campaign efforts to hold the Republican Party accountable to its grassroots -- and its Reagan Platform -- on national security, national sovereignty, and immigration law enforcement.

Jim was invited to speak to several of the activist meetings in Workshops and Caucus Meetings, and his straight talk about our border crisis and the need for new leadership was warmly received at each by the base of the Republican Party faithful. The urgent imperative to act to defend our borders and communities that is the question of the hour placed before America -- and before the voters of CA's 48th Congressional District on October 4th -- was widely acknowledged by those attending the GOP gathering.
Pride and seek
Photo courtesy of JimGilchrist.com

Good showing there, Jimbo. But, apparently, that warm welcome didn't sit well with at least one of Gilchrist's Republican oppenents in the race. Like your last prom date, John Campbell wanted all the attention placed on him (seeing as how he'd go on to get the party's endorsement over Marilyn "Deader Than an Impaled Newport Sea Lion" Brewer. And now, according to a news flash Gilchrist just faxed the Weekly (and we have no reason not to believe a political candidate's fax would impartially relate the chilly reception their candidate received from a foe, especially in light of the fact ...), Campbell now wants those Republicans who were cooing over Gilchrist out of the party.

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