You know us. We're rude and crude and pervy and lewd. Even the word "lewd" delights us. Here I am, delighted! And here you are, delighted as well! Oh, you claim you're not, and you bitch about our penis ads and boobie ads and hot man-on-horse-action ads. But if you were really so offended by our licentious juicy selves, do you think our pick-up rate would rise—get it?—like it does when we have a sexy-sexy-sex-sex image on our cover? So here are some. Touch them. Love them. Affix them to your wall. And remember, most importantly: while Rebecca Schoenkopf after 10 years of writing here didn't have a single story in the "25 important stories or whatever," she wrote pretty much all of these. Liz Phair? Check. Tawny Kitaen? Aw, yeah. And that one with the tassles? She edited that entire goddamn issue, and it was a major fucking hemorrhoid. And Schwarzy and then Schwarzy again? Yeah, she wrote those—and she'd still have sex with him before she slept with Kevin Federline.
So stop hating us for our freedom. And because we're beautiful.