A Clockwork Orange

Posted Sept. 7, 2 p.m.

Remember that New York Times story from last year when reporter Alex Williams (a former Clockwork colleague from our old Daily Plot daze) parachuted in, looked around, nabbed a quote from Commie Girl and then filed a story about The Real Orange County in light of all these fictional films and TV shows about us (and yeah, I'm including MTV's Laguna Beach as being fictional)? Well, now the Boston Herald takes its swing. Among the things reporter Tenley Woodman (swear to fuckin' God that's what the byline says) discovered about us while bedding down at the Huntington Beach Hyatt Regency (with Clockwork's snarky retorts in parens):

-We never call our home "the O.C.," (something we've read so often in other pubs that we believe even Fox's The O.C. acknowledges that now).

-Surfing is a must, (unless you're one of the millions of non-surfers living here).

-Locals are unpretentious, (unless you're one of the millions of pretentious ones living here).

-Our locales are not as glamous as The O.C. makes them out to be. (No fucking wonder: you're staying at that monstrosity called the Huntington Beach Hyatt Regency, which was built over an ancient glamour spot. And don't think we believe Bean Town's as glamous as Boston Legal makes it out to be)

-The O.C. kids' favorite hangout, the Bait Shop, really exists, only it's just a shack on the Newport Pier. (What a douchebag: the shack is a shack and has always been a shack. No teen nightclub would ever be allowed to exist that close to Newport Beach's tourist traps. The Bait Shop was created in the minds of bored TV writers who needed such a place to push their version of "drama.")

-The intrepid reporter could not comment on locales that pop up on Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County because mudslides prevented a visit. (Funny, Clockwork drove down to Laguna for dinner the weekend after the slides).

Some selected comments to a Drudge Retort item on the California Legislature narrowly approving gay marriage. You can read them all here.

-Let gays get married, why should they be the only happy ones!

-The queers will all go to Cali to get hitched and when it falls of the face of the earth they will all go with it!!!!!

-Well, that's California for you. They're always doing crazy stuff like that.

-Gay marriage is like interacial marriage in the instance that it will never be legal in all 50 states without the help of the courts. Minority rights should never be put up to vote just so the majority can strike them down. Whites-only bathrooms anyone?


-This is a direct threat to heterosexual marriage. Even now, two 50 year old women are planning on marrying in California and it won't stop there. Soon a plague of gayness will sweep through the nation diluting the sacred institution of heterosexual marriage. Being a married stud myself, I UNDERSTAND what marriage is all about and these freaks are THREATENING the sacred insitution which I embraced several times over the last ten years.

-I hope California passes this and then gets touched by His Noodly Appendage.

-And lets not forget how much those two women filing joint tax returns will change everyone's day to day life. I was in Massachusets on business and it was a scene of anarchy and misery.

-Are you talking about TAXachussets? Get it? I replaced the first syllable to make fun of their high taxes, better education, better health care, and lower infant mortality rate. What a bunch of fags those guys are! God hates them.

-Now you will live in Mexigayworldfornia. ANd then when the states get back the abortion issue you will live in Mexigayworldbabykillinfornia.

-Just another issue to "scare" people. Were it not a big headline here - or anywhere else - no one would really pay attention to it nor care much about it. The media and polliticians love to scare the crap out of people - West Nile, Sars, missing white women - and this is just another in a long line.

-Maybe people have finally realized that this won't affect their lives at all.

-Re: Before a bunck of you start spouting homephobic & stuff, I agree with tha CA legislature putting this bill to the Govenor. The issue should be handled this way, not thru the courts: Okay - first up its homophobe, kay? Second - you are proof of Jeffersons statement that democracy is simply mob rule, where 51% of the population gets to tell 49% of the population what to do. You phobes are so amusing. First you said homosexuals were immoral because they engaged in promiscuous sex and could not commit and then when they showed that they could, you worked on blocking recognition of their commitment because it "endangers marriage". Heteros are more of an endangerment to the institution of marriage - or have you forgotten the divorce stats for this country. Interestingly, the highest divorce rates are in the bible belt. Coincidence? I think not.

« Previous Page
Next Page »