By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
By Charles Lam
Illustration by Mark DancyDear Mexican,
Why do Mexicans put on their Sunday best to shop at Wal-Mart, Kmart, Target, etc.?
Why do Mexican women dress up to go to the swap meet?
Why do Mexican women wear stiletto heels to the swap meet?
Flat-Heeled Mexican in Echo Park
You gotta love our moms and aunts, ¿qué no? Despite living in abject conditions, never having enough money to purchase vaccines for the kids—let alone save up for a Prada this or Manolo that—Mexican women always primp themselves for something as simple as buying tortillas. It's a remnant of rancho life, where market day is more a social event than an exercise in the unfettered exchange of commodities. Free from their homes, women catch up on life with their comadres while warily eyeing their sexually repressed daughters, horny hijos and drunken husbands gamboling around el mercado. So, since almost everyone in town will see you, of course you'll wear the nicest outfit available. It's classy, it's sexy and it's a thousand times better than the plague of middle-aged gabachas shopping in sweat suits, spaghetti-strap tank tops, fanny packs, Volcom baseball caps, low-rise jeans and other clothing items pulled from their slutty daughter's closet.
The only thing I don't like about the Mexican culture is their apparent attraction toward fighting animals (dogs, cocks, bulls). I don't understand how any human being can gain enjoyment out of watching two dogs rip each other to shreds.
Love Every Viable Animal (LEVA)
California State Senator Nell Soto (D-Pomona) agrees with you, LEVA. She's the author of SB 156, a bill that seeks to toughen already-existing laws against cockfighting by making repeat offenses punishable as a felony. Its biggest opponent: Nativo López, gabachoOrange County's favorite Chicano. In July, as president of the Mexican American Political Association (MAPA), López pushed through a resolution opposing S.B. 156 on the grounds that it was "completely oblivious to the cultural, economic and social realities of our community." This coming from a pendejowho confessed to the Socialist Worker last year, "I still covertly like cockfighting."
But I'm not going to defend cockfighting by citing its deep roots in Mexican society. Pitting animals against each other is disgusting and cowardly, LEVA, but all sports are inherently violent. The difference between sports involving animals and humans, of course, is that the latter participants are voluntary, but it's the specter of injury or death that attracts so many to most pastimes. Why do you think the NHL makes millions packaging vicious hits into DVD specials? How can Mike Tyson—a boxer 15 years past his prime—continue to sell out matches? And what about the popularity of the Oakland Raiders, the team that elevated dirty play to an art? Animals mauling each other for human entertainment is bad, but remember: one man's barbaric sport is another man's NASCAR.
The Mexican will return in two weeks because hisgabacho editor won't allocate space for him in theWeekly's10th anniversary issue next week. But continue to send your spicy questions about Mexicans to the Mexican at firstname.lastname@example.org. And those of you who do submit questions: include a hilarious pseudonym,por favor, or we'll make one up for you!