A CLOCKWORK NARANJA

Clockwork Coker is gone for the weekend in Oakland again; the Mexican is in, posting before noon for the next three days. Pray for the Big Easy: GARELLANO@OCWEEKLY.COM

Posted Sept. 5, 3ish. What, Mexicans can't observe the Labor Day weekend?!

TIMES-PICAYUNE TO BUSH: START FIRING INCOMPETENTS, IDIOT
The New Orleans Times-Picayune deserve every award known to man for their gut-wrenching, courageous reporting in the face of Hurricane Katrina (scroll, baby, scroll to find their blog). Yesterday, the Times-Picayune picked up where Kanye West left off and blasted Dubya in an open letter. The great thing about this is that the Times-Picayune is shielded from any criticism because it has a moral standing right now about the level of Kilimanjaro. Not only did the newspaper call Katrina three years ago, it is also continuing to print a paper edition despite them having no offices to speak of. Do goodwill a favor: subscribe when the Times-Picayune gets back to some sort of regularity no mattter where you live. Kyrie Elison.

KANYE WEST UPDATE
Our apologies to the broken link below. Try here. And buy Late Registration already: it's a goodie, even if West hadn't become the Tommie Smith of this era.

POST OF THE DAY
"Dude, I saw the squeeze today at the laundry mat. Are you guys for real? You cannot possibly think anyone with any sense at all would pick up this worthless rag do you? I plead temporary insanity for looking at it. There are way too many 'free' papers out there already, please stop killing trees to print this crap. And by the way, you are NOT very photogenic. You should not show your face pictures in public."

--Post about a publication of the Orange County Register that's trying to siphon away our readers.

CHARITY OF THE DAY
Kicked by Katrina
Rather than provide humanitarian support, this website is set up to "directly help our friends who lost their jobs and property in Hurricane Katrina." Kyrie Elison. --Post on the blog of a major local daily's attempt to siphon our readers. Best case for saving the environment I've heard in a while, frannkly.

Posted Sept. 3, noonish

KANYE WEST FOR PRESIDENT
This is why network television is great: as millions watch on in wearied appreciation as such great musicians as Aaron Neville and Wynton Marsalis play for their hometown in a one-hour fundraiser, rapper Kanye West unleashesan attack on President George W. Bush that he probably stole from the KPFK listener line. Us West Coasters don't get to hear West directly criticize Bush, but Drudge immediately posts on the matter and the conservatives go wild. View the clip here.

Agree with it or not, but one thing is certain: political rap just might come back with this disasters But as memorable as that clip was, what will stick in Naranja's mind longer was the melancholy, desperate rendition of "When the Saints Come Marching In" that concluded the fundraiser. There will be many versions throughout the coming weeks, but probably none laced with as much immediacy and fretful hope for better times to come. Kyrie Elison.

BLOG OF THE DAY
Catholic Charities
Notice how many of the cities and suburbs around New Orleans call themselves parishes, such as Orleans and Jefferson Parish? That's because New Orleans is heavily Catholic, founded as it was by Catholic colonizers. We hesitate to shill for an organization that is corrupt to its soul thanks to the sex-abuse scandal, but we also understand that the survivors of Katrina need spiritual support as well--and as a loyal Catholic, I sure don't want Protestants hogging up all the souls (kidding!). Kyrie Elison.

Posted Sept. 2, 4ish

SCHWARZENEGGER PEOPLE YELL AT OC MOM 'CAUSE SHE'S SAD ABOUT KATRINA
As if California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't screwing up enough as of recent, we get a call from Trudy in Garden Grove, a mother of two who was so affected by Hurricane Katrina she began calling all her elected officials, from Garden Grove Mayor Bill Dalton (got a voice-mail) to Senator Diane Feinstein (whose officials said Feinstein was already working her tuchus off in Washington, D.C.). When Trudy reached the Sacramento offices of Schwarzenegger and asked why California wouldn't help, she says a representative began yelling at her. Some of the person's comments. . .:

You're calling the wrong place. . .This is not the time for criticism. . .It's not appropriate. . .It's a political statement. . .You could go volunteer!

"My son emptied his piggy bank to give to the Red Cross," Trudy tells Naranja. "And me being angry at the governor is a political statement? I'm disgusted." Make that two of us.

PIÑATA OF THE MONTH
In this time of devastation and catastrophe, it's wonderful to see liberals and conservatives alike can cast aside their differences and join in Nativo-bashing. The boys over at OC Blog provide two links to articles in the Weekly Standard and World Net Daily where commentators whack away at the man who makes gabacho OC froth and tremble. Add in the Mexican's own dos pesos, and poor Nativo suffers from more bruises than a Stanton stripper. What we still don't get, though, is why this surge in Nativo-hate. I mean, it's not like the guy is running for office. . .or is he? Nah--the only thing Nativo is up to these days is running the Mexican-American Political Association, which has about as much power as Steve Finley.

DON'T BE SELFISH--HELP
We can be incredibly political and provide you with beaucoup links showing how the Bush administration could've averted all this--but we won't. Instead, the Mexican will link to various blogs that list charities helping out the cause for the duration of his Naranja stay. Yesterday, we linked to Hugh Hewitt's site; today, we link to LA Observed, our favorite Southern Californian blog. Kyrie Elison.

Posted Sept. 1, 2:55 p.m.

What pithy, hilarious tripe can we possibly offer when the beautiful people of New Orleans are suffering? Here, instead, are some sources for news and how to help.

BEST NEWS SOURCE
New Orleans Times-Picayune blog

Updated constantly with on-the-ground reporting...for a while. Consider the harrowing words of T-P reporter Gordon Russell:

The journalists retreated to Russell's home Uptown where they hid in fear. They planned to flee the city later today. Almost everywhere Russell went Uptown, one of the few relatively dry areas in Orleans Parish, he said he felt the threat of violence. "There is a totally different feeling here than there was yesterday (Wednesday)," said Russell, who has reported on the aftermatch of Hurricane Katrina since the storm devastated the city on Monday. "I'm scared. I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm getting out of here."

Kyrie Elison

CHARITIES A'PLENTY
HughHewitt.com

We're usually not too wild about the O.C. conservative talk-show host and God of the Bloggers (see Commie Girl's comments on his recent New Yorker profile) but the man is a compassionate human, and his blog includes links to muchas charities.

Kyrie Elison.

SEND YOUR HATEFUL E-MAILS TO...
Repent America

According to this Philadelphia-based fundie group, the gays brought on Katrina:

"Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city," stated Repent America director Michael Marcavage. "From 'Girls Gone Wild' to 'Southern Decadence,' New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. From the devastation may a city full of righteousness emerge," he continued..."We must help and pray for those ravaged by this disaster, but let us not forget that the citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long," Marcavage said. "May this act of God cause us all to think about what we tolerate in our city limits, and bring us trembling before the throne of Almighty God," Marcavage concluded.

Amazingly, these fucks are not associated with the Fred Phelps gang. Send the Repent America demons some love here.

Kyrie Elison.

Posted Aug. 31, 6:05 p.m.

IT'S COME TO THIS
The other jackboot dropped--the colonial Minutemen did wear jackboots, right? Or am I confusing a historical group with Nazis again? Damn California public education!--but, yet, the other foot covering dropped, 48th Congressional District independent candidate Jim Gilchrist filed action in Sacramento Superior Court to keep "Minuteman" as his ballot designation. Until the matter is resolved, a Gilchrist press statement claims, the Orange County Registrar of Voters has ceased printing sample ballots for the Oct. 4 race for the seat Chris Cox vacated to ensure the filthy rich get filthier richier. Gilchrist's suits holds OC registrar Steve Rodermund and California Secretary of State Bruce McPherson personally responsible for rejecting "Modern Minuteman" or the alternative "Director, Minuteman Project" as Gilchrist's occupation on the ballot. After prompting from another candidate in the race, Rodermund and McPherson ruled that use of an organization name or position conflicts with state law. But Gilchrist's suit cites a state Election Code section that states the ballot designation may include, "No more than three words designating either the current principle professions vocations, or occupation, or the principle professions, vocation or occupation of the candidate during the calendar year immediately preceding the filing of nomination documents." Claims Howie Morgan, who is not the bastard love child of Howie Long and Harry Morgan but Gilchrist's campaign manager, "As a decorated Marine Corps combat veteran, Jim Gilchrist has the right to wear any label that he has earned, including the title 'Minuteman.'" [Actually, Clockwork knows of no election law that gives a decorated Marine Corps combat veteran special rights not afforded any other candidate—not in my America anyway, bucko. But please, Mr. Morgan, continue . . .] "Mr. Gilchrist plays the lead role in recruiting thousands of men and women to volunteer in campaigns to protect our borders on a daily basis. Any other designation would not be an accurate title for the candidate, or to the voters in the 48th District."

To be perfectly honest, Clockwork could give a shit what Gilchrist lists as his occupation. Indeed, "Minuteman" might even turn many astute voters off, even in a knucle-dragging district like the 48th. But the law is in place for a reason. There are all kinds of organizations--established or all-volunteer, real or imagined or made-up-on-the-spot--that a candidate could use to garner an unfair advantage over everyone else in a race. And rather than investigating each one of those occupation claims--remember, in this race alone, there are 17 candidates--would seem a royal waste of taxpayer-funded time and resources. But, like we said above, we could give two shits.


In other news from the Fabulous 48th, our good friends at OC Blog and CA-48 picked up a breaking Orange County Register report that has registrar Rodermund issuing an apology for scheduling the special congressional election on Rosh Hashana. Jeez, it was bad enough Gilchrist can't use Minuteman. Now they're totally mucking up his Get Out the Jew voter drive! Wait a tick: Didn't Rodermund schedule that election weeks if not months ago? And he just now got to the page in his calendar that shows Oct. 4 is Rosh Hashana? To be fair, Rodermund is not much of a reader; how else to explain him having missed the reams that has been written (and internetted) about this slight to our fine Jewish brethren?


But wait, there's more: CA-48 also tracks Republican candidate John Campbell's campaign treasurer Kelly Lawler to a stint doing the same for T.E.A.M. PAC, a political action committee that, CA-48 reports, donated $6,500 to Republican candidates in 2005.

"T.E.A.M. PAC's backers? (Among others,) Casino Jack and the Mississippi Band of Choctaw Indians."

Now surely THAT won't come up during the sure-to-be bruising campaign.


UNDERWATERGATE?
That Nero dude fiddled while Rome burned, and this photo shows our fearless leader doing the modern equivilent as Louisiana and Mississippi flood. A cheap shot? You betcha! But at least Clockwork is not blaming Hurricane Katrina on Dubya. No, we're linking to someone down there who is. Besides the obvious: many of the National Guardsmen, heavy equipment and potential rescue copters currently stationed in Iraq could have been used in the area of devastation, the story claims that funds earmarked by Congress for the Southeast Louisiana Urban Flood Control Project (SELA)--established after killer floods in 1995 and before--have been diverted by the Bush White House for the war in Iraq, homeland security and those federal tax cuts for the rich fucks now leading Chris Cox by his nipple rings.

"At least nine articles in the Times-Picayune from 2004 and 2005 specifically cite the cost of Iraq as a reason for the lack of hurricane- and flood-control dollars," the item reports. "The 2004 hurricane season, as you probably recall, was the worst in decades. In spite of that, the federal government came back this spring with the steepest reduction in hurricane- and flood-control funding for New Orleans in history. Because of the proposed cuts, the [Army] Corps [of Engineers] office there imposed a hiring freeze. Officials said that money targeted for the SELA project--$10.4 million, down from $36.5 million--was not enough to start any new jobs."

As the funding was being cut, there was "a growing recognition that more research was needed to see what New Orleans must do to protect itself from a Category 4 or 5 hurricane. But once again, the money was not there."

A Times-Picayune report from Sept. 22, 2004, is cited:

That second study would take about four years to complete and would cost about $4 million, said Army Corps of Engineers project manager Al Naomi. About $300,000 in federal money was proposed for the 2005 fiscal-year budget, and the state had agreed to match that amount.

But the cost of the Iraq war forced the Bush administration to order the New Orleans district office not to begin any new studies, and the 2005 budget no longer includes the needed money, he said.

The U.S. Senate was seeking to restore some of the SELA funding cuts for 2006. But now it's too late. Funds will now have to be found for massive repairs--if and when the water stops rising. The report hopes "Congress will investigate what went wrong here"--like the Republican-controlled Congress investigates anything that goes wrong with the Bush Administration. Perhaps they'll agree this time since Underwatergate has such a nice ring to it.

"The president told us that we needed to fight in Iraq to save lives here at home, and yet--after moving billions of domestic dollars to the Persian Gulf--there are bodies floating through the streets of Louisiana," the report concludes. "What does George W. Bush have to say for himself now?"

Rising gas prizes. Part of the country under water. A mom of a dead soldier gaining more support daily. Clockwork suspects Dubya don't have much to say about any of it.

OZONE NOT SO CRAPPY SO LET'S POLLUTE MORE!
Not all news of environmental devastation is bad. For instance, you can now spray your aersols in the air like you just don't care, because the eggheads say the depletion of the ozone layer is leveling off. Whew. That's great news. How about if we all celebrate by going outside and taking a nice, big whiff of . . . not so fast: new rules being pushed by the Bush Administration would allow power plants to emit more pollution. Which will doubt destroy more of the ozone layer, which will make our celebration very short lived indeed. Okay, back inside everybody.

But before you close the door, grab the nearest arroyo toad. The Bush Administration is being sued for nudging Kermit's cousins to extinction. It really ain't easy being green!


PREVIOUS POSTS:
A Clockwork Orange (Aug. 26, 4 p.m.-Aug. 30, 6:15 p.m.)
A Clockwork Orange (Aug. 22, 5:07 p.m.-Aug. 25, 6:01 p.m.)
A Clockwork Naranja (Aug. 14-22, 10 a.m.ish)
A Clockwork Orange (Aug. 2-10)

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