The Spy Who Loved Me

Why does George W. Bush want the terrorists to win?

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Do you see what they did there? They used an article citing what the leakers were leaking as proofof what the leakers were leaking.

I call that "TheProsecution's Exhibit A."

It'll all come out in the wash.

If they don't have anything on the special prosecutor's wife.

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I've never been a big fan of the spooks—except for Republican Congressman Dana Rohrabacher, of course, who, if he wasn'ta spy in the '60s and '70s, at least likes to smirk and ostentatiously fail to deny it every time I drunkenly josh him. "Oh, so you were in Vietnamin 1967 and Praguein 1968 as a 'student' or a 'journalist' or something equally innocuous yet sure to include a shoe-phone? Way to stem the tide of communism, baby!"

But the CIAand me? I was brought up by folks who found that whole extralegal/assassination/black-ops thing really distasteful; they were also againstimporting crack into the inner cities and running guns to people who shoot archbishops and rape nuns. We also didn't like it when the JusticeDepartmentannounced this week that the FBIhas thousands of pages that show the agency is monitoring such terrorist groups as the ACLUand Greenpeace, or when the California National Guardtook time out to monitor CodePinkand a bunch of grannies for peace.

My folks totally hate America.

So what could the CIA do that would have not just my wholehearted support but that of Commie Mom, the big blame-America-first bleeding-heart pinko symp?

Easy: they could actually use their double-super-secret spy networks to track who's trafficking in nukes and weapons of mass destruction, so that we can find them and arrest them before they kill us. Call me crazy (or snicker that, like John Kerry, I've got some kind of stupid "law-enforcement" approach to terrorism—and I think that's the first time you'll hear the GOP sneer when they use the words law enforcement, but then you wouldn't have thought they'd make fun of veterans' PurpleHeartsor suggest that sacred firefighters constitute a "special interest," would you?—but I think tracking nukes is just the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that'll take us far in this mixed-up far-out crazy world!

Or I wouldhavethought it. But it turns out? Tracking nukes ain't so necessary in our War on Terror. Nor, apparently, are translators, armored tanks, enough troops to satisfy the requests of the generals on the ground, or full funding for the Veterans Administrationonce our kids get their arms blown off.

Why does GeorgeW.Bushwant the terrorists to win?


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