By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
By Charles Lam
What is it with Mexicans and firecrackers? Not only are barrios a fine simulation of the sounds of Iraq in the weeks before, during and after July 4, but it seems random firecracker explosions can be heard most of the year. It's like alcohol and Indians.
Blown Away in the Barrio
What's up with Mexicans and their inability to use fireworks in a courteous manner? This time of year, roaming gangs of Mexican kids pop fireworks all day AND night. Do they not realize that some people like to sleep? Don't their own fathers have to get up at 5 a.m. to mow lawns, anyway? And just WHY are they celebrating the independence of the country that would later go on to steal vast portions of their land and still continues to treat them like crap?¡Cállense, por favor! ¡SHUT UP!
El Cuete Explosivo
Dear Gabacho y Pocha,
Mexicans have better access to cherry bombs, is all. The five Orange County cities that still allow the sale of fireworks—Stanton, Garden Grove, Santa Ana, Buena Park and Costa Mesa—all have huge Mexican populations and are near the rest of the county's barrios. The world's finest black market for firecrackers, Tijuana, is in Mexico. But who's saying cuete-popping is an exclusively Mexican thing? Gabachos have their own boom-boom fetish too—it's called the Iraq War.
I live in Fullerton, and around Valencia Drive at Highland Avenue, you can smell farm animals. I ride my bike through there a lot and wonder: Why do Mexicans keep livestock (mostly chickens and goats) in their yards? Are the animals raised for a more economic supply of food? Are they considered pets? And doesn't the property owner have to apply for special zoning for that in an otherwise totally normal residential neighborhood? I also wonder if it is sanitary (for animals and owners) and safe to have these animals kept on such small properties.
La Vaca Gorda
Section 15.17.030 of Fullerton's municipal code allows residents to own as many chickens as they want "provided no coops or pens are located within 30 feet of a habitable dwelling on adjacent property" (no roosters, though. Sexist bureaucrats). The code also allows properties larger than three-quarters of an acre (about 32,500 square feet) to keep no more than two heads of larger livestock like cattle, sheep and goats. Never mind the laws, though: Don't you want fresh milk and eggs daily, Fat Cow? Or a monthly feast of goat cooked in an earthen pit? How about still-steaming chorizo? Mexicans like their food fresh, free of preservatives and free-ranging. Put us and our barnyard in Napa or Chiapas, we're "organic farmers." Put us in an Orange County neighborhood, we're "wetbacks."
Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at firstname.lastname@example.org. And those of you who do submit questions: include a hilarious pseudonym,por favor, or we'll make one up for you!