We Must Have Syph

Or the far right will have won

The corporations are happy, the wack-jobs are happy, and in the course of taking away our constitutional right to address our grievances, we'll also be satisfying (for a minute) the unending demands of the burka crowd who are moving this country's discourse so far to the right (you should seesome of the evangelicals' online rantings about transferring ownership of a woman from her daddy to her beau) that ZellMilleris starting to look like the civilized Left. No, sir, I challenge youto a duel!

The FamilyResearchCouncilis speaking out against a possible vaccine for HumanPapillomaVirus—the virus that causes genital warts and is a leading indicator in 250,000 cervical cancer deaths each year—because inoculating against cervical cancer would be a "license" for young women "to engage in premarital sex."

When it came time to find someone to oversee reproductivehealthfor the FDA,we appointed an OB-GYN who won't prescribe birth control to unmarried women.

And abortions are up 25 percent under GeorgeW.Bush,whose cohorts insist sex is only for the married—even though you knowthey only got married because they knocked someone up. (As a quick side note to the sociologists who can't figure out why there's an "epidemic" of spinsterhood among college-educated career women: it's because we're too responsible to ever accidentally get pregnant. I love it when researchers can't figure out this common-sense shit—like when they were mystified as to why small women were so much more likely to be injured by their air bags. Duh. We have to sit really close to the steering wheel to get our feet to reach the pedals! Any car accident is like a gym class, but now the punching bag is fighting back.)

But that's okay, because George W. Bush's abstinence-onlyeducationteaches that condoms fail one-third of the time.

Which is how, come to think of it, I got my syph.

Syph, of course, under George W. Bush, has skyrocketed. Chlamydia too, but chlamydia is just flat-out adorable.

If you don't get chlamydia, the right-wing terrorists have won.


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