JULY 29 Support Our Troops Day
In solidarity with our troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, this is a day for everyone with an SUV to weld scrap metal to it, don several layers of faulty Kevlar, and drive around all afternoon with the windows up and the heat on. As you dodge the importunities of our local freeway snipers, you can reflect on our brave men in uniform and how maybe they wouldn't be in harm's way now if you didn't drive such a selfish consumption-mobile.
AUG. 6 Yippie Day Reunion at Disneyland
What yearlong celebration of the Happiest Place on Earth would be complete without a shout out to one of the defining days of an era? Thirty-five years ago, on Aug. 6, 1970, the Youth International Party held a protest gathering at Disneyland to "bring the reality of Vietnam to Amerika's Fantasyland" or somesuch. Riot cops lined Main Street USA. Yippies briefly took over Tom Sawyer's Island and hoisted a Viet Cong flag over the fort. There were plenty of arrests, little kids cried because the park closed early, and it didn't exactly change any minds. Now that everyone's older and wiser, maybe it's time for a day of quiet reflection at the park that you can drop a tab of windowpane. Were you at the first Yippie Day? Show a ticket stub, mug shot or visible scars and get in free!
AUG. 15 Assumption
On this religious day, we can all make the assumption that Jesus spent his days walking around with death rays shooting from his eyes, burning sinners to cinders, since so much of modern Christianity has become a judgmental, vengeful, unforgiving hatefest. "Hey, hoist me up on this cross, would you? I can scorch the entire Middle East from there!"
EVERY DAY Barbecue Day
At my house, your house, 'Becca's carport. Keep it moving.