!ASK A MEXICAN!

Dear Mexican,

Why is it that when you enroll your non-English-speaking offspring in our school system and they get tested with all the other students, they bring down all the test scores of the school and my kids have to suffer because your kids don't understand the language? So would you dumb-ass beaners PLEASE learn some goddamn English, for Christ's sake. Have a wonderful day and keep an eye out for INS!

Pissed-Off White Man in San Clemente

Dear Gabacho,

You're one of those South County parents trying to recall members of the Capistrano Valley School District Board of Trustees, ¿que no?One of those moms and dads who are up in arms because proposed district realignment plans would mix working-class Mexican students with gated-community gabachitosin the new San Juan Hills High School, right? And instead of embracing this confluence of cultures, you'd rather call Mexican kids beaners?! Pissed-Off, stop with the gabachorage and refry this: in your very town, in Las Palmas Elementary School, a bilingual-immersion program—where Mexican and white kiddies can learn English and Spanish together from kindergarten through fifth—is now in its 12th successful year. Parents clamor to get their kids enrolled in the program, and the administration supports it wholeheartedly: last year, the Las Palmas principal told the Orange County Register, "The world is shrinking, and we want confident kids that are comfortable in another culture." But if the many advantages of bilingualism aren't your thing, Pissed-Off, then remember that lower-performing schools tend to get more federal funding and attention. So really, say graciasfor the current wave of Mexicans moving to San Clemente and the rest of South County—they're ensuring your charming town will never become Stanton-by-the-Sea.



Dear Mexican,

Why are there never any Mexicans on the game showJeopardy?

Latinas Often Cook Outstanding (LOCO)

Dear Gabacho,

Maybe because the show's host, Alex Trebek, sits on the board of U.S. English, an organization that wants English to become the official language of the United States? Besides, what proper Mexican would ever appear on a game show notco-hosted by a señorita with bosoms from here to Culiacán?


Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at garellano@ocweekly.com. And those of you who do submit questions: include a hilarious pseudonym,por favor, or we'll make one up for you!