Diary of a Mad County

Sunday, April 24: I'll do better next week.

Monday, April 25: Now, I'm on record as saying that I think the Angelsshould not only be allowed but encouraged to change their designation to Los Angeles. Besides meaning possible new money streams to spend on free agents, I didn't buy the argument that somehow people would get the Angels confused with the Dodgers.Well, today I opened up the LATimessportssectionand noticed in the two columns given for American League hitting leaders, this under home runs: Guerrero,Dodgers...5. That would be Vladimir Guererro, the Angelsright fielder and reigning American League MVP. Vlad was also listed as a Dodger in three other categories, as was Darin Erstad, who is second in the league in doubles.

Tuesday, April 26: To the runner with the very shapely legs I saw in Long Beach on Atherton on my way to the doctor, I would just like to apologize about the many impure thoughts I had about you. From my angle, coming from behind you—oooooh, yeeees—Icould not see that you are actually ayoungmanwho either shaves his legs, his very lovely legs—you obviously work out a lot—or is one of those nationalities where the men don't have any hair but make up for it in sexy. Again, I am sorry that I longed and/or pined for you in any way. I am also sorry if my slowing down my car, staring at you, doing a double take, followed by a Danny Thomasesque spit take, followed by what seemed to be me fumbling with something in my lap—which I wasn't—in any way freaked you out, scared you or made you think I was stuck up. Again, I apologize. Call me.

SLOWERY@OCWEEKLY.COM