TOC

 COMMIE GIRL

102 Rebecca Schoenkopf talks about Terri Schiavo because everybody is talking about Terri Schiavo today, even though yesterday a kid at a reservation school in Minnesota slaughtered nine people and killed himself. But apparently no one is that upset because it wasn't a suburban high school where these kinds of things don't happen because when it does, everything stops and Charlton Heston starts threatening people. When it happened at Columbine, the networks and news channels had wall-to-wall coverage; I just now went in and clicked on CNN, and they were promoting an interview in which Sandra Bullock will "reveal her new flame!" Do you honestly believe this would be the reaction if this had just happened at Newport Harbor High? Brea-Olinda? Please. The only time people give a shit about Native Americans is when they have loose slots or available tax money from those slots. Gee, I wonder what could drive a kid living on a reservation to such a hopeless act? Anyway, Rebecca Schoenkopf talks about Terri Schiavo.

THE COUNTY

10 Gustavo Arellano wonders if the papers the Diocese of Orange promised to release will ever see the light of day. The diocese said it would but, get this, apparently, they lied. Gustavo also says that Santa Ana will finally, finally, finally get a farmers market. R. Scott Moxley reports on the verdict of the Haidl trial, then he calls Haidl defense lawyer Joe Cavallo a cur. I'm not sure what Theo Douglas is writing about, but it has something to do with coffee, Katharine Hepburn, Coquilles St. Jacques, WomanoftheYearand swap meets. Theo, seriously, why not just come out of the closet and be done with it? I mean, we love and support you no matter what your preference. I'm sure I speak for your wife.

MUSIC

18 We take a look at what went on at South By Southwest with a bunch of stuff that's already run on our website while Chris Ziegler takes a look at the Willowz and wonders if the most-hated band in Orange County will ever make it after trying for nearly TWO YEARS. In stuff actually happening where we live, Rich Kane reviews Marijuana The Band's self-released, 12-track CD, raising the question: Why is Rich reviewing Marijuana The Band's self-released, 12-track CD? Jennifer Maerz takes on Big Business, which is a heavy metal band, while Chris Ziegler writes about the Decemberists, which is a Morrissey-lite band.

CLUBBED!

26 Ellen Griley, who is lovely, glimpses what the future might have in store for her at the Fling. It's not pretty.

FOOD

28 Professor Salt—in the study, with the salad tongs—dissects the county's best Vietnamese sandwiches. Gustavo Arellano waits around at Ali Baba's Kitchen.

FILM

32 Scott Foundas writes an open letter to Quentin Tarantino that essentially asks: Why does Chan-wook Park's Oldboysuck so hard? Then Park tells Mark Olsen what it's like to get cornered by the motormouthed KillBilldirector. J. Hoberman says Penélope Cruz is too hot for Don'tMove.

ARTS

34 Stacy Davies reviews Porcelain,a "sordid gay murder," you know, as opposed to the meat-and-potatoes gay murders of our youth. Speaking of gay, Theo Douglas attends the St. John Knits spring-collection show, featuring its "cruise"-wear and is disappointed to find out it's not that kind of cruising. Rich Kane reviews ShagWithaTwist,which looks great and is less filling. Kim Morgan, whom I have never met, writes about porn, which I have never seen. Greg Stacy, who doesn't write for this paper nearly enough, writes about artist/changeling Eddie Allen.

also

7 Letters Write our wrongs!

7 Troubletown By Lloyd Dangle

10 Hey, You! By Anonymous

10 ASK A MEXICAN By Gustavo Arellano

12 Diary of a Mad County By Steve Lowery

12 This Modern World By Tom Tomorrow

28 Grub Guide By Gustavo Arellano

80 SAVAGE LOVE By Dan Savage

82 ROCKIE HOROSCOPE By Rockie Gardiner

102 EIGHT DAYS By Rebecca Schoenkopf