A Mob of One

This is about Social Security and . . . Wait! Come back!!

* * *

If you're my age—an adorably spring-chickenish 32—you've been told by the Republicans for years that Social Security won't be there when you're old and miserable and smell like mothballs.

They were lying, and we bought it, and now we want "personal" accounts* like our 401k's. You know what we have now that's like our 401k's?

Our 401k's.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, in that dashing way of his (and probably with that cigarette clamped 'tween his teeth), called for three parts to our retirements: defined Social Security benefits to provide a minimum level on which to rely; personal savings like 401k's; and pensions. None of us gets a pension anymore except for public employees, and Schwarzenegger's on a mission to kill those. Our 401k's could tank any time—ask the nice people in the 2001 "correction." And folks now are saying that the Demscan't just be obstructionists; we can't just be the Party of No.

Yes! We can!


It's not up to us to figure out an acceptableway to dismantle Social Security just because the Bushes still call FDR"that man."

Some people think Bush's plan is a $2 trillion sop to Wall Street. He's never been against a back-scratch, but more, it's a fundamental Calvinisttrope: Bush and his family are wealthy because they're good. (You know, except for Neil.) And Social Security is Socialism they were against from the beginning. Now, as their trusted ideologue GroverNorquistsays, it's the first time in 60 years they've had all their branches of gubmint sewn up, and for the first time, they can pay those New Dealies back. I'd say it's sick, but you know I don't like to preach.

Except for this: It's not up to us to provide their cover. And it fo' sho' isn't up to us to have my mom live with me when she's ancient and even crotchetier than she is now.


Let the old folks have their independence. Pay your stupid payroll taxes, and the kids will pay theirs when you're on the dime.** Don't let yourself get divided with who's getting more because those assholes want to make sure most of us don't get any.And while we're at it, don't begrudge welfare moms some fucking strawberries once in a while, you mean old nasty coot.

As Dear Abby explains, it makes you look small.

* Calling these accounts "private" is biased, WhiteHousePressSecretaryScottMcClellansays, because the president doesn't call them that anymore.

** It's how civilization's supposed to work, just ask John Locke!***

***Unless you prefer your Hobbesianlife: nasty, brutish and short.****

****Like Neil Bush!*****

*****But I don't like to preach.

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