Diary of a Mad County

Sunday, Feb. 27 Pope John Paul II,the target of almost daily attempts on his life by the Almighty,appears at a Vatican prayer service, fearlessly taunting the God who has attempted to take him out with a series of ailments that would kill a lesser pontiff. But this is a pope who stared down women's-rights groups, assassin's bullets, and such communist thugs as the Soviet Union and the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. I mean, c'mon, God, is that all you got?! Due to the pope's continued bad health, there has been some talk about him stepping down to allow a younger man—in this group, that means someone born after the Crimean War—to take over. Speculation on the Pope's successor is so intense that Betonline.com is now offering odds on who will succeed him; current favorites being Cardinals AngeloSodanoand GiovanniBatista,though I like the senior leadership and perimeter shooting of Gonzaga.I certainly wouldn't endorse betting on the death of the pope, and I certainly wouldn't endorse doing it with Betonline.com, which provides questionable information such as claiming that the Pope is the "frail religious leader of a reported 100 million Catholics." A hundred million Catholics? Where? Santa Ana? Betonline was off by a mere ONE BILLION, there being an estimated 1.1 billion papists worldwide, which is why Friday is Filet O' Fish Day at McDonald's.

Monday, Feb. 28 ". . . and, Mr.Lowery,you weren't diagnosed with this as a child? Really?"

Tuesday, March 1 Things you hear through doors left slightly ajar: "I don't ever, EVER,want to see you touch the dog like that again!" Expect swift legislative action by Chuck DeVore.

SLOWERY@OCWEEKLY.COM