What do you do when your nighttime soaper that seemed kinda cute at first and produced wonderfully comedic moments (intended and not) at its apex starts its swift and inevitable decline? GENTLEMEN, START YOUR LESBIANS!!! That's lipstick lesbians, of course. Lipstick lesbians who go both ways, naturally. After Seth discovers his honey Alex likes licking more than just stamps, The O.C. brain trust (HA!) telegraphs the upcoming (and much internet-spoilered) lesbo coupling of hottie Alex with everyone's favorite supermodel next door, Marissa. And people call the Weekly a boys club! The O.C.'s writers have foisted upon the Red States hot-teen stud-on-M.I.L.F. action, an orgy for Newport Beach's swinging parentals, and everyone's favorite fantasy: the smokin' hot, supermodel next door catching her divorced parents doin' the deed. My, Ashley, it's getting hot in here; I seem overcome by the vapors. Meanwhile, after trying to angle herself into every issue of Riviera—while seemingly ignoring established glossy dinosaurs Coast and Orange Coast and whatever the hell they call 714 these days--Julie Cooper decides that to resuscitate the land-rapin' Newport Group's rep, the near-bankrupt company should go into publishing (HARDY-HA!!!) with yet another high-suck-ciety mag called Newport Living. Actually, that ain't a bad idea seeing as how the town's aging demographic could look at the title to see if they are still among the Newport living.
LOCAL REFERENCE OF THE WEEK: Thaifoon. Okay, that's pretty lame, considering it's a chain, but The O.C. Watch love, love, loves the Evil Jungle Princess so much, we'll even sneak into Fascist Island to order it.
LINE OF THE WEEK: "Kikki, we're trying to appeal to the Newport elite. We need to think about who these people are: bored, rich, gossip mongers who like to shop. They're me." Julie, explaining Newport Living's mission to Kirsten.