Diary of A Mad Year

2004 regurgitated

jon, from huntington beach, ca writes:I realize that Iraq is in control of a great deal of the government but why don't you catch the insurgents off-guard and turn full control over to Iraq now. What difference does a few days make? I have the feeling that they are planning some big attack on the 30th. Remove the significance of June 30th.

Let the Iraq deel with the insurgents starting right now.

Paul Wolfowitz:That's an interesting idea. The terrorists work by surprising us and we need to think about what we can do to throw them off balance.

Three days later, we hand over "power" to the Iraq and let them deel with the insurgents, and they've done a spit-spot job, haven't they? The fact that Jon suggested this and three days later we did this is probably all just a crazy coincidence, you know, like all the WMDs disappearing at the exact same moment we entered Iraq.

JULY

2This morning, while promoting her weekend appearances at the Irvine Improv on KROQ's Kevin and Bean Show, comedian Kathy Griffin encourages the audience to "come on down to Orange County, where you can gang rape someone, videotape it and still get off!" Get used to it. . . . 7 Sports Illustrated ranks the most powerful minorities in sports, with none other than Anaheim Angels owner Arte Moreno topping the list. The honor doesn't give Anaheim Arte a big head. No, Arte, whose team plays in Anaheim, is so uninterested in the spotlight, so un-LA-like, you could say (which goes without saying since his team plays in Anaheim and is called the Anaheim Angels). Oh, how Anaheim loves its Arte. And he it. Anaheim, that is. This is a love affair that figures to never end. Yes, it's smooth sailing for as long as anyone can see for Arte and Anaheim . . . Okay, everyone outta the boat! Reacting to a Los Angeles Times story that says Moreno not-so-secretly pines to rename his team the Los Angeles Angels, Anaheim City Manager Dave Morgan says the city will enforce their Angel Stadium lease with the team that requires the team to be called "Anaheim." Showing he has Morgan's and Anaheim's backs, Mayor Curt Pringle blasts Moreno, saying, "He's doing what anybody should do with their business in promoting it aggressively. We as a city applaud the success of the Angels this year, not solely on the field, but also in attendance and advertising and support for the team and outreach. Those are all good things." Pringle's comments are applauded by hostage takers everywhere and are slated to be included in the upcoming trade publication The Stockholm Syndrome for Dummies. . . . 8 A third accident on Disneyland's Big Thunder Railroad occurs when one train bumps into another, causing a 10-year-old child and his parents to suffer minor neck and back injuries. The accident spurs some to call for the ride's closure since it has had three accidents since September, when a train derailed, killing one and injuring 10. In April, a train ran into the back of another on a test run, though Disneyland officials said the only way the accident could have occurred was with the trains empty, failing to mention they were empty because they had derailed a few months earlier, killing one and injuring 10. Seems to me the folks at Disneyland are missing out on a valuable marketing opportunity here. With the Big Thunder and similar mishaps on the Roger Rabbit and Columbia rides, they could make serious inroads among amusement-park customers who enjoy the allure of not knowing when and if they may be injured or killed, a clientele who until now have been the domain of the airline industry and Six Flags Magic Mountain. . . . 14 TV personality Greg Haidl, awaiting a new trial for participating in the alleged gang rape of a 16-year-old girl, gets popped by the cops for having sex with a different 16-year-old girl. Greg and the girl—the second girl—say the sex was consensual, but it's still against the law since he's 19. And, you know, he is about to stand trial again for rape, and he's also had run-ins with the cops regarding trespassing and pot possession. For all those people who thought Haidl's recent mistrial meant he was "getting away with it," it's pretty clear that, barring an Augustinian change of heart, the course of this sad young man's life is pretty set. I think we all can see where this is going; it's just a matter of when and how. The young man seems compulsively drawn to punish himself, his father and most of the girls born after 1988. Even DA Tony Rackauckas, whose emotional range swings wildly from wooden to stiff, looks stunned when describing Haidl's reckless behavior during a press conference, and this is a guy who regularly deals with the dregs of society: murderers, wife beaters and the Republican Central Committee. . . . 21 A just-released study shows the number of homeless in Orange County has grown by 25 percent over the past year to about 35,000, many of them families, so I guess those comparisons between George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan weren't all off-base. Now, you may be saying, "Homeless? Golly, I haven't seen any homeless people, and I've been to Stanton." Well, homelessness isn't defined only as people on the streets, but also as people who must live in motels because they can't afford housing. That's especially difficult in Orange County since just-released real-estate numbers show the median price of an Orange County home is $600,000. That's a 33 percent increase from last year, and it shows that housing prices are immune to economic fluctuations; real estate is the new porn. Even a home in Stanton is going for $359,000, you wanna talk about obscene. . . . 30 The California Senate barely passes a budget a month late. Only four of 14 Republicans vote yes on the $105 billion spending plan pushed by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thank God for the recall. Now, instead of budget impasses, name calling, and angry Democratic lawmakers feuding and breaking with the Democratic governor, we have budget impasses, name calling, and angry Republican lawmakers feuding and breaking with the Republican governor. Recent numbers show Schwarzenegger's approval ratings are dropping faster than rentals of Last Action Hero.

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