Merry Trashmas!

Illustration by Bob AulThis goes out to the jackasses in the unemployment office from a soon-to-be trash-bin dweller. It says on page 27 of your guide to unemployment benefits that I am entitled to an extension "only when unemployment is very high." Well, California is among the top states when it comes to unemployment nationwide, you assholes! What, do we need Bush to fly over in his jet to declare this place a disaster area? I guess this is how our musclehead governor is planning to balance the budget. It all makes sense to me now. Bush Jr. and Arnie want to balance the budget at our expense. It is not my fault Bush Jr. turned a $57 BILLION government SURPLUS into a $7 TRILLION national debt! Everything was great when Clinton was in office. I had a four-bedroom house in Huntington Beach. Now I am in the cheapest possible apartment in Anaheim and unemployed! Why am I being punished? So, you assholes at the unemployment office: take that chapter promising us extensions out of your guide, you lying bastards! That chapter gave my family hope for a few days. For a while, I had faith in our government. But Arnie, I just lost all faith in you as a governor and as a human being. And get rid of that fake accent, you idiot; you've been here for 30 years! What is it with weight lifters and speech impediments? Stop being a girlie-man and help the people who might re-elect you someday. I am just one of thousands of victims of Bush's regime. And I used to be a Republican! Shame on me. Arnie, a real man would fix this. Have a very merry Christmas, you assholes!

—Anonymous

Send anonymous thanks, confes-sions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701-7417, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.