MONDAY, Nov. 29 The U.S. Supreme Court hears arguments today regarding the right of the sick and dying to grow their own medical marijuana. Justices say they are concerned that people who aren't really sick and dying may use medical marijuana anyway. Yeah, and people who aren't really dieting might take diet pills. People abuse all sorts of medicine, and no one thinks to ban the medicine; if they did, you'd need a pusher to get cough syrup and Botox. Justice Antonin Scalia, Mr. Compassion, told the cancer victims in the courtroom he was concerned about people with "alleged medical needs" abusing marijuana, and being an alleged human being, he should know. Chief Justice William Renquist was not in the courtroom today, as he is recovering from treatment for thyroid cancer. Still, he reportedly called in to talk about the case, though no one could make out what he was saying over his incessant munching of Cool Ranch Doritos.
TUESDAY, Nov. 30UC Irvine psychologist Elizabeth Loftus, profiled recently in the Weekly, wins the 2005 University of Louisville Grawemeyer Award. Loftus, whose pioneering work has changed the way scientists view the malleable nature of human memory, will be awarded $200,000 for winning the Grawemeyer, which is awarded to those whose ideas have had an impact in the arts, humanities and social sciences. To be honest, I can't remember exactly what it is Loftus did, but I do have a vague recollection of getting a Tootsie Roll from Lou Sheldon. I think it was a Tootsie Roll. . . .