By Matt Coker
By R. Scott Moxley
By Charles Lam
By Nick Schou
By Gustavo Arellano
By Gustavo Arellano
By Steve Lowery
By R. Scott Moxley
a) deftly walking the tightrope between strong criticism of the war in Iraq and unwavering support for huge spending on the military. (8)
c) helping her sister get elected to Congress. (10)
d) getting that old-man smell out of the seat cushion. (6)
13. Troy Percival is . . .
a) a character out of the Disney classic The Sword In the Stone. (10)
b) Congressman Dana Rohrabacher's longtime trusted man-servant. (1)
c) the best relief pitcher in Angels history, now with Detroit. (8)
d) the only player on the Angels who would have traded names with Chone Figgins. (6)
14. To the best of your knowledge, the Juaneño Band of Mission Indians . . .
a) were clueless heathens until Father Junipero Serra saved their souls and gave their lives purpose by teaching them to build Mission San Juan Capistrano, which became their home and sanctuary. (10)
b) thrived in coastal Southern California—roughly from Laguna Beach to San Onofre—from ancient times until Father Junipero Serra enslaved them to build Mission San Juan Capistrano, all but exterminating them and their culture. (4)
c) call themselves the Acjachemem nation. (7)
d) are headlining next year's Hootenanny. (1)
15. When somebody says "Jan Vandersloot," you say . . .
a) "Thank heavens for a true environmental hero—the man who stoked a citizens' movement that in 2002 forced the Orange County Sanitation District (OCSD) to finally commit to the terms of the 1972 Clean Water Act." (6)
b) "To hell with an arrogant meddler and the scare tactics that undermined OCSD's top-of-the-line staff of scientists and planners." (8)
c. "Hey! Randy Newman!" (1)
d. "Geshundheit!" (10)
16. The Sawdust Festival . . .
a) is a sweetly wholesome OC tradition. (10)
b) keeps the rabble away from the Pageant of the Masters. (8)
c) pretty much describes OC's rampant development over the past half-century. (6)
d) would be cooler if more people wore codpieces. (1)
17. The epitome of our mixed-up marijuana laws is . . .
a) Marvin Chavez, who has been spied upon, raided, arrested and imprisoned for smoking pot to relieve his ankylosing spondilitis, a rare degenerative bone disease that keeps him in constant pain and a back brace. (7)
b) Greg Haidl, who was free on $100,000 bail and awaiting trial on gang-rape charges when OC sheriff's deputies found him with marijuana and allegedly stoned while illegally skateboarding in a San Clemente office park. After a phone call to his millionaire dad—then-Assistant Sheriff Don Haidl—deputies falsely reported the incident as a "traffic stop" and gave Greg a ride home. (4)
c) Rex Hudler, the blabbermouthy Angels TV broadcaster who was arrested last year in Kansas City when airport screeners found marijuana in his luggage. The Angels briefly suspended Hudler until he quickly explained he'd been smoking the dope to get to sleep since his brain hemorrhage a couple of years before. He was soon back on the air, running his mouth as obtusely
as ever. (10)
d) . . . whuh? (1)
18. You're backpacking in some of the most remote wilderness in Orange County when you come across another backpacker who has collapsed, unconscious, on the trail. What do you do?
a) Play the Good Samaritan and share your water, use your cell phone to call for help and stay by his side until rescuers arrive. (10)
b) Play the Smart Samaritan and use his cell phone to call for help, and then call anybody else you feel like while you're waiting. (8)
c) Play Greg Haidl and make a video of you and the victim practicing to become porn stars. (1)
d) Stop playing Lewis & Clark already and just yell up to somebody in one of those canyon-view homes. (6)
19. The worst example of toxic chemicals degrading our OC environment is . . .
a) Huntington Beach's Ascon-Nesi toxic-waste dump, which is across the street from Edison High
b) Aliso Creek, which runs like a rectal thermometer through several South County cities until emptying like an enema into the ocean. (1)
c) Jan Crouch's face, which is on slow-motion meltdown almost 24 hours a day on TBN. (4)
d) Don Bren's pearl jam. (7)
20. Jan Crouch's face . . .
a) reveals a woman at ecstatic peace with her Lord. (1)
b) is the unfair butt of a sexist society's jokes. (4)
d) may yet land Paul Crouch some of that sweet EPA Superfund money. (10)
21. The Angels Curse . . .
a) was nothing more than a bunch of coincidences that superstitious sports fans subjectively compiled into a tired excuse for their team's incompetence in the front office and on the field. (8)
b) killed this guy's brother's friend. (1)
c) was broken with their dramatic win in the 2002 World Series. (10)
d) is a fluid refrain but generally goes something like this: "Goddamn
fuckin' Angels!" (6)
22. As ambitious as Representative Christopher Cox is, you wonder
why he . . .
a) wasn't selected as George W. Bush's running mate. (10)
b) wasn't elected Speaker of the House of Representatives. (9)
c) wasn't appointed a federal judge in the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. (8)
d) isn't at least sergeant-at-arms of the Log Cabin Republicans. (1)
a) he didn't cut me in. (8)
b) I really don't understand what he was trying to do. (1)
c) it's another sign that we are in the Last Days. (10)