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!Ask a Mexican!

Gustavo Arellano

Published on November 25, 2004

Illustration by Mark DancyDear Mexican,

Why do Mexicans have so many babies?

One Ignorant Gabacho

Dear gabacho,

The anthropological response? Poor people need large families in order to bring in more income. The theological answer? Mexicans don't believe in contraception because the Catholic Church considers it a sin. But there's a reason why the American media constantly casts Mexican actors as Latin lovers or spicy señoritas and gives them 30 siblings, and it ain't the salsa. Ever had sexo with a Mexican? No prophylactic in the world can hold back a Mexican spermatozoa during the act of coitus—those little hombres rip through your average condom like an Aztec tearing up a conquistador's sternum. As for oral contraceptives? I have many Mexican friends who were born while their mamis were on the pill. The gun-toting doofuses of the Border Patrol can't hold us back from starting a new life—what makes you think a puny pill can?

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican atgarellano@ocweekly.com.

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