By Rich Kane
By Joel Beers
By LP Hastings
By Dave Barton
By Patrice Wirth Marsters
By Erin DeWitt
By Taylor Hamby
By LP Hastings
It's gotta be as old as Aesop's very first soap opera: Boy separated from Girl we've been led to believe he's supposed to be with forever and ever has extremely bad introduction to New Girl who will now no doubt become the new love of his life forever and ever—or at least until hack writers put him in a compromising position with the first girl to end the Season 2 finale. And so it is that Ryan, on the outs with Marissa, has been teamed up against his wishes—and vice versa—with new cutie Lindsay, a.k.a. "the smart one." Marissa, of course, has her own triangle going with D.J. the yard guy (M.I.A. this week). Then there's the whole Seth, Summer and Zach triangle, and the Julie, Caleb and Jimmy triangle (also in its infancy this episode), and the Kirsten, Sandy and hot employment counselor triangle (sure to be coming now that Sandy's out of work and Kirsten's thinking that way since Julie's been promoted CEO over her at the Newport Group). So many triangles, so little time to contemplate Seth's new place of employment, the Bait Shop. Not to be confused with that old Long Beach frat boy meat market Live Bait Cantina, the fictional Bait Shop hawks alcohol, features live music and opens its doors to high schoolers. And it's right next to a pier. As if. Anyone who knows anything about the real Newport Beach knows they keep that kinda shit away from the tourist-infested piers and instead plop them alongside the jet-noise drenched runways of John Wayne Airport (hello, Hogue Barmichael's!). Privileged Seth got the menial job to get tickets to a show that he automatically surrendered to Summer and Zach so he could show them that there are now hard feelings, that he just wants them all to be friends, and that . . . uh . . . GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! WHO THE HELL TOLD THE SINGER IN THE WALKMEN HE COULD SING!?! Sounds as if he's trying to harmonize with my next-door neighbor's German shepherd whenever the police sirens pass by. Christ, Rooney wasn't thisbad—and that's saying something.
LINE OF THE WEEK: "Oh, come on. What? The only music they had in Chino was the sound of gunshots and helicopters."
—Seth, who cannot believe Ryan does not get his reference to CBGB's.
CALLBACK LINE TO THE LINE OF THE WEEK: "I like Journey."
—Ryan, sheepishly explaining his Chinoan musical tastes to Marissa.