Season 2, Episode 2

Now that the Cohen brothers—Seth and essentially adopted Ryan a.k.a. "Chino"—are back in Newport Beach (where they belong, dammit!), they're fixin' to get their ladies back. Not so fast, teen-hormone mongers: seems the girls moved on with their love lives while the cats were away for the summer. Summer—late of Seth—latched on to much hunkier comic-book geek Zach. And it turns out Ryan's hope Marissa—who when she wasn't lying drunkenly on the lawn furniture last week was throwing it into the pool while emitting primal screams—was doing more than just being undressed by the eyes of bulging-pec'd "yard guy" D.J. Yep, the help was helping himself to her tender loins. So with the new guys in the picture, the old guys only have each other now, setting the stage for that gay storyline everyone just knows is coming. On the bright side, Ryan suddenly possesses previously unmentioned talents for being a world-class architect. How convenient then that he lives with a developer—whose house is not only being remodeled (heavy symbolism, eh?) but whose workers have just walked off the job. And Kirsten Cohen is going to need even more home-building help now that her father and boss Caleb Nichol—described as "the owner of Newport Beach"—has been carted off to jail for financial shenanigans. Like that would ever prompt cops to haul off a mega-developer in the REAL OC.

LOCAL REFERENCE OF THE WEEK: Unable to deal with the fact that she's now married to a near-penniless, Viagra-requiring, old geezer facing hard time, Julie takes off for a $3,000 weekend at the Montage. Remember, folks, that's the Montage for all your can't-deal-with-reality-but-am-willing-to-max-out-the-black-card needs.

LINE OF THE WEEK: "There was a hot, hot yard guy who was in the yard and was hot."—Summer