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Best of OC 2004: Part 1

4. "ANDREA! Do we pay for our homosexual magazines?"

5. "If you want a blowjob, they have ads for blowjobs right there."

6. "Step by step, homosexual activists are softening up public opinion on the issue of adult/child sex, which is euphemistically referred to in their publications as ‘intergenerational intimacy.’"

7. "Homosexuality is only an underdeveloped stage of heterosexuality. You know, there’s an old saying: ‘Monkey see, monkey do.’"

8. "When President [George W.] Bush visits the CDC for a tour of its facilities on Thursday, he should ask CDC officials why they are spending millions of dollars funding fisting seminars for homosexuals and drag-queen proms in San Francisco."

9. "It will only stop when the public becomes outraged enough to put an end to homosexual-recruitment programs in our public schools."

10. "ANDREA! What’s the homosexual’s name in Defense?"

BEST GAY REPUBLICAN

1. Brian Bennett. For years we sent darts to the closeted gay chief of staff to Congress’ most homophobic member, Representative Bob Dornan, who Loretta Sanchez sent into a Virginia-countryside retirement. But since coming out in 1997, the personable, sharp Bennett has moved to redeem himself. Frustrated by the president’s election-year ploy to amend the U.S. Constitution against gays and lesbians, Bennett has eloquently spoken against the injustice and acknowledged that such policies have made him, a diehard Republican, reconsider voting for George W. Bush.

CALIFORNIA/ANAHEIM ANGELS IN THE BASEBALL HALL OF FAME

1. Rod Carew (went in as a Minnesota Twin)

2. Reggie Jackson (went in as a New York Yankee)

3. Eddie Murray (went in as a Baltimore Oriole)

4. Frank Robinson (went in as a Baltimore Oriole)

5. Nolan Ryan (went in as a Texas Ranger)

6. Don Sutton (went in as a Los Angeles Dodger)

7. Hoyt Wilhelm (went in as a New York Giant)

8. Dave Winfield (went in as a San Diego Padre)

NINE THINGS ACTUALLY FROM THE ANGELS IN THE BASEBALL HALL OF FAME

1. Jersey worn by World Series Most Valuable Player Troy Glaus in the 2002 World Series.

2. Bat used by Scott Spiezio to hit a three-run homer in Game Six of the 2002 World Series. Spiezio set a post-season record with 20 RBI.

3. Lineup card from the first game that featured a matchup between a Japanese-born pitcher and hitter—Angels pitcher Shigetoshi Hasegawa and Mariners batter Ichiro Suzuki—on April 13, 2001.

4. Cap and bat used by Glaus during the 2000 season, when he set a record for most home runs by a third baseman.

5. Jim Edmonds model bat used by the entire Angels lineup in their first at-bat of their Aug. 4, 1999, game against the Kansas City Royals. The Angels used the bat to get out of their offensive slump, which had resulted in their losing 16 of their past 18 games. The Angels won the game 4-3, scoring two runs in the second inning while the team used the bat.

6. Bat used by Angels second baseman Adam Kennedy to hit three home runs in Game Five of the 2002 American League Championship Series against the Minnesota Twins.

7. Ball from the perfect game thrown by Mike Witt, Sept. 30, 1984.

8. Balls and caps from all four of the no-hit games pitcher Nolan Ryan threw.

9. Ball from no-hit game thrown by Bo Belinsky, May 5, 1962.

GAY BAR FOR BEGINNERS

1. Ozz Supper Club. Attention, queer youth of OC! Tired of waiting till your 21st birthday before you can start legally entering the Boom Boom Room or the multitude of Long Beach gay bars? Then Ozz Supper Club, with many an 18-and-over night (providing you get there before 10 p.m. in most cases) is an essential hang. It’s like the training bra of the full-bosomed OC gay scene, a low-key room where you can catch a cabaret act on weekends (particularly the comic genius that is Rudy Delamore, who plays your favorite show tunes, tells cock-and-pussy jokes, and flirts with alllll the young men in the audience) or shoot pool whilst drooling over Jesse, easily one of the hottest bartenders in the county. Don’t even think about hitting on him, though, because he will spurn you. Trust us. We’ve tried. 6231 Manchester Blvd., Buena Park, (714) 522-1542; www.ozznightclub.com.

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