Back To School

Photo by Matt OttoNumerous human beings contributed to this fine project, including Nadia Afghani, Nathan Callahan, Sarah Callender, Judy Jou, Rich Kane, Steve Lowery, Jami Makan, Maridel Reyes, Rosheila Robles, Jamie Rodriguez, Daniel Ross, Scott Wennerberg, Katie Wintermute and Chris Ziegler.

It happens every fall: the leaves turn, the weather dips below 78 degrees to a chilly 77, and off our kids go to school. We may not be able to do anything about the weather—not yet, BWHAHAHAHAHA!—but we can help everyone who's heading back to school, and by everyone we mean everyone except those in preschool, elementary, middle and high schools—what are we, Jesus!? No, we are here to help our college-age friends with their college-age needs and desires. We are here to tell them the best bars to frequent, the best campus to see good looking students, the best protests to attend and the best cross-dressing professor to learn from (it may not be the one you think). There's also plenty of stuff about bookstores, vintage clothes, sex, music stores, sex, cheap eats, sex, happy hours, sex, sex, sex, sex and movie theaters. Sex. Yes, all you need to know for a Ph.D. (Party Hearty Degree . . . sorry) in Everything College in Orange County. Enjoy! (Sex.)

WHERE THE (SMOKING-HOT) GIRLS ARE

Last spring, 30,848 students enrolled at Cal State Fullerton, more than at any other campus in Orange County. Of them, 60.6 percent were female. That's 18,693.888 girls. Let's be generous and assume only half of them are attractive. Now we're down to 9,246.94400000001 girls. That means there are more good-looking girls at CSUF than there are girls enrolled in most OC schools—and they're all smoking-hot.

THE PLACE TO TAKE A FOUR-YEAR NAP

On the second floor of Cal State Long Beach's Student Union, you'll find the Music Listening Lounge, which is actually two lounge areas complete with live DJs and individual listening booths where you can listen to the CD of your choice—more than a thousand to choose from!—and recline in a comfy beanbag. Booths cost $1 per hour, but everything else is free for CSULB students with the exception of the 25-cent arcade machines. What's more, one of the two lounges has black walls, disco lights and neon wall hangings . . . or was that astronomy? The lounge is open Mon.-Thurs., 8 a.m.-6 p.m.; Fri., 8 a.m.-2 p.m.

SPOTLESS CLOTHES, SPOTTY LIVER

Doing laundry used to be one of the most tiresome, frustrating chores in existence—especially if you had to go to a laundromat. Apart from jammed coin machines and uncomfortable, suspiciously sticky chairs, the seasoned fluff-and-folder also contended with disturbingly overpowering soap fumes and the occasional sociopath. Until now: for those fortunate to live anywhere near Tustin, the Econ O-Wash on Irvine Boulevard, with its clean floors and new machines, is a laundry-doer's dream. And it's near a bar: Godfather's. This loveable dive features free popcorn, fair prices, eight TVs and plenty of video-game trivia. Meet some friends for drinks and darts while your clothes magically become clean—could there be a better way to pass the time?! With a few beers under your belt, everything—even folding your T-shirts . . . very poorly—is more fun. Godfather's, 416 Irvine Blvd., Tustin, (714) 544-4410; Econ O-Wash, 412 Irvine Blvd., Tustin.

TECHNO-RIFIC

The oldest electronic/techno specialty

store in OC, Dr. Freecloud's Mixing Lab is the spot to pick up new mixes, test out new sampling techniques, gobble up piles of rave

fliers—some you might actually want to go to—and chat up owner Ron D Core, an expert spinner in his own right. The Lab, 2930 Bristol St., Ste. A109, Costa Mesa, (949) 545-8811.

IN THIS CORNER . . .

Whenever the local chapter of the Ayn Rand Institute's president and executive director, Dr. Yaron Brook, debates a UC Irvine faculty member, the cops are invited along with him. In the past, Brook has claimed that non-Western cultures are inferior to Western ones, infuriating many audience members, many of whom don't wait for the question-and-answer session after the debate to holler their frustrations at Dr. Brook. When it's time for the Q&A, the waiting line stretches halfway up the aisles of Crystal Cove Auditorium, with people shouting into the mic until its levels peak and screech. Dr. Brook isn't afraid to shout back. The cops guard the exits just in case.

GET VAPORIZED!

Let's face it, no college student wants to get caught smoking the sticky icky. Not only is there a chance you will get kicked out of the dorms, but also new federal regulations make it possible for your student loans to be revoked FOR-EV-ER! That's why the intelligent dorm stoner moves on from the pipe or bong and plugs in a vaporizer. Although "not intended for illegal use," the beauty of vaporizers is that they heat the ganja to slightly less than 400 degrees, just below the combustion point. At this temperature, only the resinous gold, or THC, is released from the buds, allowing the user to take cool, clean hits without sucking in harmful carbon and Ortho agricultural products. The first toke may fool the novice user since there is very little visible smoke compared to other pieces, but after a few practice runs, you and your friends will be pleasantly surprised by the efficiency of this invention and the little smell it releases. Two dorm-room-friendly versions are the BC Vaporizer ($75 Canadian) and the Volcano ($600 American), both of which vent the gas into collection chambers so that none is wasted. Do your homework before purchasing one because they come in a variety of shapes and sizes and you may end up being disappointed with cheaper models. In the end, these babies will soon pay for themselves and make your prized sack last longer since A) the THC is used more effectively and B) with less danky smoke, you won't have to share with those predatory Chiba Hawks circling outside your door. With a vaporizer, aspiring Tommy Chongs no longer have to worry about fake air sprays, bulky ionic generators or trying to remember who had your Bic lighter last.

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