Attention, bougie diners: your e-mails are deafening. So you didn't like last month's Hole-in-the-Wall issue. You want to spend $90 on a pretty plate whose meager portions wouldn't even satiate a Sudanese. Fine. Here's a list of pricey restaurants, all where dinner for two would set me back a couple of car payments but for the rich is what they keep in their glove compartment.
DINNER FOR TWO:
¢ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Less than $10!
$ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10-$20
$$ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $20-$40
$$$ . . . . . . . . Can you spare me some cutter?
230 FOREST AVENUE
The starter plates at 230 Forest Avenue give you plenty to decide among, including wild-mushroom strudel wrapped in phyllo with a dark garlic sauce; roasted-artichoke crab dip with warm herb-pita crisps; and salmon-and-mussel stew with white beans and applewood-smoked bacon, slow simmered in a vegetable fish broth. 230 Forest Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-2545. $$$
AUBERGINE
Tim and Liza Goodell opened Aubergine in 1995, and it maintains its a reputation as one of the best French restaurants in the country. The Goodells scrimp on nothing—and you shouldn't either. 508 29th St., Newport Beach, (949) 723-4150. $$$
BISTRO LE CRILLON
A quaint, Provençal-themed restaurant named after the village in Provence from where chef Chantal Berton's family hails. The cassoulet c'est magnifique, a hearty mixture of flageolets blancs (white French beans), confit of duck and three types of sausage. Simmered and baked for days on end, the result is a mildly tangy bouquet of flavors. 2523 Eastbluff Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 640-8181; www.bistrolecrillon.com. $$$
BISTANGO
California cuisine. When we're dining on someone else's account, we like the prix fixe. Key attraction: ambiance. A rotating art exhibit features contemporary artists of the West (for sale) and lite—we mean helium-filled—jazz on the weekends. Always a business buzz. 19100 Von Karman Ave., Irvine, (949) 752-5222. $$$
THE BUNGALOW
The filet mignon at this steakhouse is round and plump—like a muffin. Its ideal cut, deep flavor and tender texture make it possible to eat the entire thing without encountering a morsel of fat or gristle. In essence, it's a tremendous piece of meat. 2441 E. Coast Hwy., Corona del Mar, (949) 673-6585. $$$
CHAT NOIR
There is something downright satanic about Chat Noir, David Wilhelm's latest addition to his "Culinary Adventures" family of restaurants. It's in the had-to-sign-a-pact-with-Mephistopheles execution of his French fare: basil-fed escargot, three-way duck served in an orange-caramel dressing with Mandarin Napoleon cognac, and a dessert of profiteroles stuffed with espresso ice cream. If they serve these in Hell, just where do I sign, Mr. Wilhelm? 655 Anton Blvd., Costa Mesa, (714) 557-6647. $$$
FIVE CROWNS
With ferociously delicious food that destroys the stereotype of British cuisine, you can't go wrong with the Beefsteak Neptune (filet mignon topped with crab legs, asparagus and Béarnaise sauce) or the Jamaican "jerked" pork chop. One warning: prom-goers love this place—be afraid. 3801 E. Coast Hwy., Corona del Mar, (949) 760-0331. $$$
FRENCH 75 BISTRO AND CHAMPAGNE BAR
The most beautiful bar in Orange County—with prices to match. The resonant thunk of champagne corks popping will be the only competition for the jazz piano as you savor the basil-fed escargot and langoustines with Black Forest ham swimming in an herb-garlic butter. 1464 S. Pacific Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-8444. $$$
GEMMELL'S
Appetizers are memorable: a feuillette, puff pastry with shrimp in the middle, placed in an herb-butter sauce with shallots and parsley, plus a mousse of duck liver surrounded by minced aspic and sprinkled with cognac. But even better are the main courses—buttery Dover sole, New York steak bathed in a creamy beige sauce of brandy and peppercorns, or French onion soup. Salivating yet? 34471 Golden Lantern St., Dana Point, (949) 234-0063; www.gemmellsrestaurant.com. $$$
GULFSTREAM
Yes, Gulfstream is big, but you'll never be served an entrée that is outweighed by a power garnish, and no heaps o' chow that scream Claim Jumper either. Proportions are just right, as is the wine list. Desserts aren't a big deal at Gulfstream, but they make a fabulous hot-fudge sundae with candied pecans. 850 Avocado, Newport Beach, (949) 718-0188. $$$
HUSH
Hush is a wonderful eyesore, an anomaly among the run-down boutiques and faceless office buildings cluttering the southern portion of Pacific Coast Highway. Elegance is also prominent in Hush's menu, a New American take on such standards as rack of lamb, salmon and pork tenderloin that reminds me why people would ever plunk down $50 for a dinner. But when you just gnawed on chicken from heaven, with port wine slowly soaking through your soul, racial and class warfare tends to dissipate like the sun into the Pacific. 858 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 497-3616; www.hushrestaurant.com. $$$
LA BRASSERIE
The Orange institution looks, smells, tastes and sounds like the French eateries your grandparents frequented, the type of elegant dining experience that once required pearls, a dining jacket and an irony-free martini. All the French entrées Americans endlessly stereotype are here—duckling a l'orange, frog legs, pâté, escargot and the like. But La Brasserie also stays true to its rustic Alsatian roots by preparing nine different types of veal, each consisting of young cow slices cut into large portions, battered with egg and nearly floating over myriad tasty sauces. Don't expect an abalone special in the interest of nostalgia, though: a plate of the stuff sets gourmands back $89.95. 202 S. Main St., Orange, (714) 978-6161. $$$
