Eight Days

Thurs/July 29 Poor, poor Shane West. As if tonguing Mandy Moore in A Walk to Rememberwasn't punishment enough, word has it that the puppy-eyed B-lister's turn as Darby Crash in The Germs bio What We Do is Secret has been shelved due to distribution troubles. But fear not, dear Shane-anigans (ha!), you can see him jam tonight with his very own real-life band of bros, Johnny Was. With North End, Last Amanda, Revered, As Night Falls, Clique, October Vacancyand Power Trip. 8 p.m. $10. 18+. Hogue Barmichael's, 3950 Campus Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 261-6270.

FriOn a related note, Bye Bye Birdie—what, you think Darby wain't no Elvis? Well, how about Conrad? No? Sod off!—continues its run at the WestEnd Theater. Poor, poor Jesse Pearson. It must have really sucked to tongue Ann-Margret, then vanish in a thick haze of B-list obscurity. Reservations are required. Doors open, 6:30 p.m.; show starts, 8 p.m. $50 will get you the show and a delicious dinner. WestEnd Theater, 11172 Los Alamitos Blvd., Los Alamitos, (562) 596-6892.Sat Liked that Ann-Margret, didn'tcha? She used to get you all tingly near your naughty bits? Well, then, re-tingle your bits with Jessica Simpson, everybody's favorite non-red-haired, non-Swedish, non-talented Ann-Margret doppelganger! Just kidding about the non-talented stuff. After all, she's a genius, you know. No, really! This month's Vanity Fair says so. With Ryan Cabrera. 8 p.m. $39.50-$49.50. All ages. Pacific Amphitheatre, Orange County Fairgrounds, 100 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 740-2000; ocfair.com. Sun Know who makes me all tingly in my naughty bits? I mean other than Dick Van Dyke, Morley Saferand Jan-Michael Vincent? Gary Gulman. If this six-foot-six-inch prime slice of USDA-approved Bostonian beef doesn't end up the Last Comic Standing, then I may just have to fulfill a latent psychopathic fantasy and maim Jay Mohr. Fortunately for Jay, at press time, Gulman's still in the running. Unfortunately for Brea, Todd Glassand Corey Holcomb are not. Subject yourselves to them tonight. 7 p.m. $15. 18+. Brea Improv, 120 S. Brea Blvd., Brea, (714) 482-0700; www.improv.com. Mon Speaking of my latent psychopathic fantasies, have you rented All About Evelately? Huh? Have you??? Tues And since by now you're terribly perplexed, I'm sure, here's where I tell you that Commie Lady is on vacation. No, she hasn't retired (yet); yes, I realize she is far wittier than I (but only on her very best days); and of course it's time we let you in on what Weekly staffers have been laughing about since last August: we're the same person! Ha! Still perplexed? Too bad. Why don't you catch Don Walsh lecture about the current state of Antarcticresearch and exploration tonight at the Aquarium of the Pacific and ask him about it afterward. Commie Lady! Mary Reilly! Antarctica! Of course! 7 p.m. $4-$7. All ages. Aquarium of the Pacific, 100 Aquarium Way, Long Beach, (562) 590-3100; aquariumofpacific.org.Wed I swear that entire last one is not a lie. I swear. What do you mean, the Lady is bound and gagged beneath my desk, yelping her little, helpless Communist yelps and kicking my feet? I have no idea what you're talking about. Tell it to the little, helpless KUCI-FM nerdlings who spin records tonight at the Lab while jobless English majors recite poetry and gawk at paintings. 7 p.m. Free. All ages. The Lab, 2930 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 966-6660.Thurs/Aug 5 Oh, will you just stop bitching? Relax. You only have, oh, FOUR more weeks of this! In the meantime, do yourself a favor and hit up Souled Outat Memphis in Costa Mesa, featuring the delightful, redheaded, possibly Swedish, certainly not Communist—or psychopathic—DJ Angelina. 10 p.m. Free. 21+. Memphis, 2920 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 432-SOUL.