Illustration by Bob AulAre we really related? I wonder. If you were any other bride, I'd think you were reeling in all the nuptial attention you've gotten since the big announcement. With you, I know different. We grew up together. I know how much attention you need.
When I was planning my nuptials with Mom, you never hesitated to come over to "help"—which really meant steering the conversation back to you. Eyes on the crisis; I, the bride, was soon forgotten. Luckily, my wedding was called off; otherwise, I think your head would have exploded.
Now it's your turn at the altar. Am I jealous? Yes, but I'm also sad. Please, sister, don't act this way to your future husband. He truly is a nice guy. I know the word "share" isn't in your vocabulary, but I suggest you learn it if you want to keep him. His credit card is probably maxed out from keeping you happy—but just remember money can't buy you happiness, and at this rate, you'll probably be alone in the end.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701-7417, or e-mail us at email@example.com.