Eight Days

Thurs/July 22 Dave "The Chairman" Mau(and apparently someone else, unless Dave is ripping off my dad's wrestling name, The Garcia Bros.), kicks off his new catering business, Two Brothers Barbecue. The party features not just Dave's grub but the purty, croony sounds of Big Sandy & His Fly Rite Boys and the awesome Gary Gomez Band. Go get fat and happy. 9 p.m. $10. 21+. Doll Hut, 107 S. Adams St., Anaheim, (714) 533-1286; www.dollhut.com.

Fri Your lips: Are they sealed? Mine, not so much. I never got The Go-Go's; to me, they were what all my fellow 9-year-olds were listening to, and as such, 1982's equivalent of Britney, Jessicaand Hillary Duff. (Me, I was more Some Girls,because I rule.) I mean, "We Got the Beat"? Explain me how that's punk, I implore you! Nevertheless, all the fine old tattooed men I know are indeed as in love with Belinda, Kathy, Gina, Janeand the other one as they were when they were hanging out with Tomata du Plentyand Jimmy Intveld, and had more street cred than you could shake a stick at. With new wave legends The Motels. (See you there, Coker.) $19. 7:30 p.m. All ages. Pacific Amphitheatre, Orange County Fairgrounds, Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 740-2000; www.ocfair.com. Sat Who wants candy? You want candy! I know, it's all so freaking subjective, and I didn't like Bow Wow Wow when I was 9 either, but it's a lot more fun hearing 50 39-year-olds yelling along to "I Want Candy" than it is to hear a bunch of preteens doing the same. Anyway, by the time I turned 15 somebody handed me a used cassette with 15-year-old Annabella singing slutty songs about slutty sex. Malcolm McClaren's an asshole, and The Ants are assholes for kicking out Adam (did you know Bow Wow Wow was Annabella and the Ants? Because I, as a dirty hippy, did not!As I also did not know that Boy George—as "Lieutenant Lush"—used to be part of the lineup too until the big freak kept getting booed off the stage like he was Prince opening for the Stones, a concert to which my parents did not take me because I was 8, but they took both my brothers and I think I'm still pissed). But go see Annabella, who's still completely and sizzlingly hot even though she's now considerably of age, and ask her to sing "Louis Quatorze." With Leigh Gormanon bass and No Doubt's Adrian Youngon drums. 8 p.m. $20. All ages. Galaxy Concert Theatre, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; www.galaxytheatre.com. Sun There are lovely and uplifting things going on today: the opening of 100 Artists See God at the Laguna Art Museum, a big Dick Dale concert at some yacht club or American Legion Hall Post 291 or somesuch. But instead of any of those, you will go and see Poona the Fuck Dog and Other Plays for Children.You know I'm totally taking my kid to Jeff Goode's story of—and I quote, "a lonely Fuck Dog named Poona who's visited by her Fairy God Phallus and taught how to play a very fun game in her big pink box. She then meets God (who can answer any question for $5)." 2:30 p.m. $12-$15. The Empire Theater, 200 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 547-4688.Mon Have you rented Repo Man lately? Tues If you're lost and you look, then you will find Cyndi Lauper. I don't really need to explain that I didn't think much of her when I was 9, do I? Didn't think so. But can I tell you how much I love the song "Time After Time"? Like seriously a lot? Do you care at all anymore? I don't blame you at all. With Jennifer Marks. 8 p.m. $50-$60. All ages. The Grove of Anaheim, 2200 East Katella Ave., Anaheim, (714) 712-2700. Wed Are you getting too fat for all the clothes you bought just six months ago even though you're eating beautifully, so why the fuck are you still so fat? Oh, because you really don't like to move any more than it takes to lift your pipe to your mouth? Then join me and all the folks who spent the '80s on smack at Yoga for Drug and Alcohol Recovery. You know why? Because it won't be filled with all those horrible people who can just automatically do all the awful, ass-bending positions, and you won't be the only one wheezing, either, Smokey the Bear. Instead, you'll be surrounded by crackheads who'll make you look young, tan and vital. This beginning class is designed for those in recovery from drugs and alcohol. Bring a towel, water and a mat. 6 p.m. Suggested donation, $10 per class. 1333 S. Euclid Ave., Anaheim, (714) 931-6687.Thurs/July 29 You Can Decorate a Window. It's true! You totally can! I know I said I was going to do all that other stuff this week, like yoga and stuff, but I'm not, and I'm not going to this either, even though I really, really want to decorate a window. Seriously! I'm just lazy, and even though it sounds fun and I would like to learn to do stuff with my hands and make my home a lovely, welcoming haven, I will be too busy smoking crack and watching Uptown Girls while eating a lovely and simple seafood salad. Home Depot is freakin' awesome and has nothing to do with the '80s at all! 7 p.m. Home Depot, 7100 Warner Ave., Huntington Beach, (714) 596-2944; or 2300 S. Harbor Blvd., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-4220; or 3500 MacArthur Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 966-8551.
 
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