EIGHT DAYS

Thurs/July 1 I've had the honor of voting for Ralph Nader not once, but twice: in '96 and 2000. So exercise your right as an American and meet with Orange County for Nader to volunteer to get old Ralph onto the ballot. Then the rest of us will exercise our right as Americans to show up and beat your ass, you dumb cunt. 7 p.m. Earth Cafe, 5325 University Dr., Irvine, (714) 904-5212.

Fri Kathy Griffin, the shrill redhead who according to our Calendar listings has been on Mad About You and Ellen, shows up at the Irvine Improv. You know what they left off? Her stint as the bitchy sidekick on the brilliant Suddenly Susan, about a beautiful honey-blonde who went from being an alt.-weekly's copy editor to its star columnist, and I've yet to see a royalty check. The dumb cunts. 8:30 & 10:30 p.m. Thru Sat. $25. Irvine Improv, 71 Fortune Dr., Ste. 841, Irvine, (949) 854-5455. Sat Leave it to artists to be bitchy little cunts, bless 'em! In this case, Santa Ana's Grand Central Art Centertakes on Laguna Art Museum's "100 Artists See God"with its own "100 Artists See Satan." Cunts, I tell you! This one should be quite spectacular, as the little dears are opening with the Village of Fire music festival partly sponsored by Quiksilver and featuring a truckload of DJs such as Chris from Papa Byrd and Eyad from sleeping-with-Mary Reillyalong with seemingly every band that's ever been in OC Weekly's Feedback. And they are: Operator, Blow Up Blow, Free Moral Agents, Harbor Town Saints, The Thingz, Matt Costa, Foxy Autopsy, Satisfaction, The Skulls, Geisha Girls, 00 Soul, Natural Afrodisiacand "Fourth Beastie Boy" Money Mark. Also, a dude spins fire. Don't you think you should, too? 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Free. Grand Central Art Center Promenade, 125 N. Broadway, Santa Ana; www.grandcentralartcenter.com. Sun If'n you ain't got a debauched and drunken party of your own to go to, we recommend the Fourth of July barbecue at J. King Neptune's in Sunset Beach (our only caveat is they don't have a patio, and you'll likely be sitting inside on a beautiful day) for the groovy covers of the George Fryer Combo. If you can, get 'em to play their originals—sugar-sunshine-sweet Monkees pop—instead. With Parkaimoon. 2 p.m. Free. 21+. 17115 Pacific Coast Hwy., Sunset Beach, (562) 592-4878. Mon Last dance, last chance for Deborah Aschheim's wonderful installation "Neural Architecture," with a whole bunch of PVC lit up to look like your brain on drugs (and home-security systems). The Joseph Raphael exhibit upstairs ain't bad either. 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Laguna Art Museum, 307 Cliff Dr., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-8971.Tues No experience necessary for a meeting of the Long Beach Singles Sailing Association! Just one word: cruising. 7 p.m. $5. Golden Sails Hotel, 6385 Coast Hwy., Long Beach, (562) 430-1715; www.lbssa.org. Wed The Royal Balletperforms Frederick Ashton's Cinderella set to Prokofiev. Girls love the ballet. Do you love the ballet? I love the ballet. If you would like to take me to the ballet, call (714) 550-5900. 8 p.m. $25-$100. Orange County Performing Arts Center, Segerstrom Hall, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2122; www.ocpac.org. Thurs/July 8 There's nothing more American than The Gipsy Kings, though it'd be even nicer to see 'em at an outdoor venue. Still, The Grove doesn't suck, and unlike some other places we could name, you're permitted to mover la culita. The Kings own a greater percentage of the American songbook than even Cole Porter, with happy rumba ass-shakers such as "Bambaleo," "Baila Me," "Habla Me"and "Hotel California." 8 p.m. $65.50-$97.50. The Grove of Anaheim, 2200 E. Katella Ave., Anaheim, (714) 712-2700; www.groveofanaheim.com.