EIGHT DAYS

Thurs/June 3 You know, I could have used this space to give you the 411 on a really juicy gay charity fashion show that sounds like so much fun—including a performance from Klymaxx! No shit! But personally, I freakin' love stuff like Living and Learning—An Intellectual Journey in Race, Law and Politics, so sadly for you, that's what you're getting. Stanford political scientist Lucius Barker is the featured guest for the Chancellor's Distinguished Fellows Series. I'm alive with pleasure! 3:30 p.m. UC Irvine, Social Science Plaza A, W. Peltason Dr. & Mesa Rd., Irvine, (949) 824-6503.

Also? It is still my small buttercup of a son's 10th birthday. 10!

Fri I hate Chain Reaction. It's dark and stuffy and has tall people who stand in front of me. Weekly music editor Rich Kane loves it there, but Rich is a pussy who doesn't even drink. However! For the Fourth Annual Chain Reaction Prom? A prom featuring the smelliest of all my loves, The Moseleys? (Is the best thing about the Moseleys their clean, close shave? No, it's waking up in their arms.) I'll be the one in pink taffeta and combat boots. With Jamisonparker, The Colour and The Adored. 7:30 p.m. $10. All ages. Chain Reaction, 1652 W. Lincoln Ave., Anaheim, (714) 635-6067; www.allages.com. Sat Ed Giardinaand the Fetish hooligans of Finishing Schoolopen PSA—Objects/Images/Actionswith a reception. And we quote: "Three installations investigating specific social, political and environmental issues with the hopes of cultivating critical thought in humans." Christ, Giardina. Again?6-9 p.m. Through July 2. The Office: An Art Space, 5122 Bolsa Ave., Ste. 110, Huntington Beach, (714) 767-5861.Sun If I don't tout the AIDS Walk, Pearl Jemison-Smithwill have my ass. Mmmm, ass! There's also fun stuff: a concert by Scarlet Crush, a rock-climbing wall, face painting by MAC, bowling, free rapid HIV testing (and if that ain't fun, I don't know fun!), cholesterol testing and a food festival. 7:30 a.m. UC Irvine, Chancellor's Rose Garden & Administrative Loop, Irvine, (949) 955-1400; www.aidswalk.org/oc.Mon Got a kid aged 10-15? Is he or she good and creepy? Today's the first day of a five-day Bat Camp! Junior freaks will study free-flying bats and practice lab and field techniques used by bat biologists. Reservations are required. (There are additional sessions in July and August . . . for your very special child.) 2-9 p.m. Orange County Natural History Museum, Audubon Starr Ranch Sanctuary, 100 Bell Canyon Rd., Trabuco Canyon, (949) 831-3287; www.ocnhm.org; stremington@earthlink.net.Tues Here. Do this: Salsa Dancingwith Los Tropicanos. 8:30 p.m. Free. 21+. The View Lounge, Marriott Hotel Newport, 900 Newport Center Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 640-4000.Wed Do you suppose Kansaswill play "Roseanna"? That was Toto? Fuck. So you're telling me it's $35 for "Dust in the Wind"? That's just sad. Wait! Wait! This just in! Kansas also sang "Carry on Wayward Son." So that's only $17.50 per hit; you just know iTunes is trying to figure out how to cash in on this scam. And which one do you suppose is the encore, and what do they do for the other 50 minutes? KANSAS! Whooooo! 8 p.m. All ages. Mouse House of Blues, 1530 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 778-2583. Thurs/June 10 Just in time for Commie Mom's 61st birthday—I know: my goddamn family just won't stop being born!—comes Menopause—Fact or Fiction. Yeah. Ask la Mamacita Communista about those "fictional" hot flashes she imagined for five solid years while commuting to South-Central in a car with no AC. Karen Wolfe tells every woman what she needs to know about menopause. 6 p.m. $15-$25. Brea Community Center, 695 E. Madison Way, Brea, (714) 990-7100.