By On the occasion of our 20th anniversary
By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
Sunday May 2 The Lord's Day: oppressive heat, missed free throws, ongoing doubts, fruitless calls, incontinent dogs; verily.
Monday May 3 Hey, Levitra Lady! Enough with the leering and crowing that your husband gets the "response" he wants from popping the little blue pill. Right, right, we get it. Your husband takes a pill, and it makes his peenie hard again. Ever think why your husband has to take a pill to have sex with you? Perhaps it has something to do with your perv expressions while intoning lame double-entendres about his dong and talking about him like he was a performing dog. Remember when there was a national debate whether we should have TV ads for condoms? Now we have middle-aged men leaping about to "We Are the Champions" because a pill allows them to manufacture synthetic timber. And then there's Levitra Lady, who's too busy feeling proud of her man's pouch to notice all the time he spends on the web with his Thai comfort girl. Is that all there is? Man, the guy who sang "Hope I die before I get old" was right. What ever happened to that geezer?
Tuesday May 4 Oh, there he is. Yep, early Tuesday, and Roger Daltry is hawking a Time-Life collection of classic rock called Legends. That's bad enough, but, in an act as vile as when "Revolution" was used to sell Nikes, Daltry says: "Legends. Now I call that a bargain." Kill me. Better yet, gimme the turkey pot pie.