In one corner, Jimmy Breslin!

"'If you ever want to hear about me and the homosexuals, I could fill your ear. It's in their homosexual papers and magazines'—The [Washington] Blade, The Advocate.'You can find anything you want—all you have to do is look in their want ads. When will the homosexual/pedophile assault against children stop? The CDC [Centers for Disease Control] should be spending its time on preparing this nation to deal with bio-terrorist threats—not paying for fisting seminars or self-esteem seminars for homosexuals.'"

It goes on like that for 800 words.

As firestorms go, this one is pretty cool. Breslin says the only angry mail Newsday has received regarding the article came from Sheldon himself.

"He sent a telegram to the newspaper," Breslin says. "Can you believe that? That was the first telegram sent to this paper since D-Day."

Who you believe is up to you: Breslin, one of the fathers of New Journalism, who inspired thousands to go into the news business, or Sheldon, who inspired thousands, make that one—his daughter, Andrea—to go to work for the TVC, where she one day informed a conservative action group that doctors were using fetal tissue to put "human livers in monkeys to make monkey-humans."

The decision is yours, America . . . not that you care. Asked if anyone else had mentioned the incident to him, Breslin summed up not only the situation but also Sheldon's career by saying, "Ah, no one gives a fuck."